Talking about this isn't easy for me. Not many people know that I struggled with depression my freshman year of college or that I didn't like school. When I came home for the summer, everyone mentioned how it looked like I was happy and having fun. Truth was, I was miserable and not sure if I would be returning after my freshman year. I came into my first year of college thinking that I would have an easy transition and immediately start having the time of my life. Unlike my friends, my first semester was better than my second semester. I made friends and did well in my classes. I enjoyed being at school, but also enjoyed my time at home.

Second semester was, how do I say it, rough. There were a lot of tears, fights, and uncertainty. I wanted to go home. I wanted to transfer. I wanted to get out of college and go home to the friends and family I knew. I felt lonely and overwhelmed at an out-of-state school.

The problem with your freshman year is that no one wants to admit how challenging college can be. Everyone wants to show how fun school is on social media; they want you to think they are having the time of their lives. Some people really do have the time of their life. Some people struggle in their own ways without cluing others in to their struggles.

I didn't tell any of my friends that I was struggling in my classes, or that I was emotionally drained. I couldn't get out of bed; I had no motivation to attend my classes. I didn't want to eat or hang out with friends. I would start crying in class from stress and anxiety because I felt so much pressure to do well. It got to a point where I would have to leave class or not go all together. I spent most of my weekends in my dorm watching Netflix no matter how many times I was invited out. It wasn't a matter of not having friends; I had no desire to leave my dorm room. I was miserable and in a bad place with no one to turn to. I had never felt a depression this severe until I went to college. I never imaged my life at school would be miserable.

I thought the issue was that I was at the wrong school. The real problem was being in college in general that created anxiety. I also felt like I had no one I could really talk to. I wanted to transfer, but I knew myself, and I would have a similar experience at any college away from home.

This article is for anyone who has ever felt alone at school. No one can prepare you for what college will really be like. No one wants to tell you that it is going to take an emotional toll. No one told me that it was normal. I'm telling you, it is normal. I am stronger now after going through a mentally draining experience and wanting to escape my surroundings. I want you to know that it is okay to not be okay. I want you to know that I went home every other weekend and called my mom crying daily. I want you to know that it's normal to have a tough transition. Every movie and friend will tell you they love college, but it's okay to not love college or even like it. It's okay to not be okay. Get help. I wouldn't have survived my freshman year if I didn't get help. If you need to transfer, then transfer. Do what is best for you.

Let's flash forward to my junior year. I can't imagine being anywhere but the University of Iowa. As I walked through campus my sophomore year, I took each step with pride and happiness because this place finally felt like home. It took longer for me than I ever thought, but I constantly have things to look forward to. During the spring of my junior year, I will be spending the semester abroad, which is something that I couldn't even dream about my freshman year. I am going abroad where I will be away from my friends and family for a semester and I can't come home every weekend; that's progress.

I only have a year and a half left at college and I've adjusted just in time to see it all come to and end. I wish I could turn back time and relive every moment; the good and the bad. No matter how tough and depressed I was freshman year, I'm here and in love with my school, friends, my sorority, and my college experience. It gets better, and everyone struggling with their transition needs to know that.Things get better.