“I feel messy,” I told my friend, "Like I have messy feelings. This semester is really hard -- it's like I have to keep telling myself that this is temporary and although I feel silly and out of sorts most of the right now, it won't be like this forever." If you're a college gal like me and you've becoming acquainted with these messy feelings, I stand with you. The truth is, I’m just a college girl myself who's getting caught in the game of worry a lot lately and after trying to fight my way out a time or two, I surrender. It’s like a constant wheel that won’t stop turning.
I’ve seriously been spending so much time in a constant worry lately. I feel messy pretty much all of the time. I never feel caught up. It’s your lucky day if you catch me in anything but leggings pants and a tee shirt during the week. I cancel plans with my friends way too much. I’m always busier than I should be and most of the time I just throw my hands up and consider myself a sleep-deprived 20-year-old who feels like my mom just dropped me off on the first day of high school and I’m wandering around, clueless about what move I’m going to make next. College gals, ya feel me?
This worry leaves me helpless. It makes me feel silly and all put together wrong. Kind of like a puzzle with pieces that don’t fit, I relentlessly surrender to this cycle. It’s a constant day in and day out of feeling uncomfortable and completely thrown together. I worry because I feel messy and I feel messy because I worry.
Keeping up is exhausting. So I worry about how I will throw it all together to make it seem like I know what I’m doing and then there I am again, stuck in the vicious cycle of “Who am I and why am I even here doing this college thing?”
But who says we need to know what we are doing? Who says we have to make people think we have it all together? The truth is loud and clear here ladies: WE DON'T! And trust me, I need to hear those words as much as you might need to. We are not the worry that consumes us or the fears that are before us. We don't have to feel put together to be beautifully saved by Jesus Christ. He accepts us in all of our many ways -- broken or whole, messy or organized.
After talking with my friend the other night I instantly felt so much better just in knowing that I'm not alone. Then, two days later I jumped onto Facebook and saw this amazing post from Jordan Lee and my heart wanted to burst because goodness gracious, what beautiful truth!
If you’re feeling exhausted today from keeping up then know this: That race you are running has already been won. PRAISE! You are strong, you are worthy, and you are capable. Don’t let your "messy" make you feel like you aren’t good enough. Run your race right into the arms of The Lord and then take your messy bun and messy life and go kick butt because you are capable of doing incredible things. We have to start telling ourselves that. We have to believe that even when we feel all out of sorts, it doesn't mean we can't take on the world.
Our messy is what makes us strong and powerful. When you feel like you all of your pieces don't fit together just right, grab some glue and make it work. I'm putting on my running shoes today, but when it all falls through and I'm feeling like one big mess, I will sing praises because I know that I have already won. We all have already won because Christ won for us.
If you're feeling like the girl with the messy bun and messy life, then keep on keeping on. You are not alone. You are amazing. You can do incredible things today. XOXO.
