So freshman year is almost over, and it's been about what I've expected. Has it been the crazy fulfilling first year of college that everyone wants to have? No. But, I've met some really great people that have set my foundation for the next three years.
Yes, I've had ups and downs and times when I've felt horribly alone or confused, however, I wouldn't go back and change it.
I went into freshman year knowing exactly what I wanted to do, and it still is kind of that way.
I have a path, at least sort of path I know I want to follow. But it's not as clear as it was at the beginning.
I'm lucky enough to know I want to go into the sciences, biological sciences to be exact, however that doesn't mean I haven't questioned it or wanted to start over with something completely different.
Here's the thing:
Freshman year is filled with general classes. Boring lectures on things you've probably heard before in high school if you're like me. With that comes the loss of motivation and passion for something you know you really want to do.
It's hard for someone who likes lots of things to pick just any one. See, I'm not strictly science motivated or just art motivated. I like both. So, being in these classes where I can't find any kind of passion for the subject is frustrating and confusing.
I'm the kind of person that has to see something or do something in action to enforce my passion for it. Like with biology, I really do love it and when I experience it hands on, it makes me love it even more.
Yes, I know that I have to take these classes to understand the subject better, but it would just be so much better if I could learn by doing more of it.
Labs utilize this learning style a lot, but being in a college general biology lab is not the same at all with being in a real lab doing real research.
Fortunately, I'm lucky enough to be participating in some research this summer. I'm hoping that will revive my love for science and biology.
Being in class, not gonna lie, kind of sucks the life out of you. You're given textbooks and told to read them and told to memorize formulas and equations. Through all this, it's hard to really see the true beauty of biology.
Some teachers do a really good job at bringing passion to their lectures, but others don't. Sometimes it can be dry and you really just want to leave and end up questioning everything in existence.
I mean what I'm doing now prepares me for the rest of my life, and that's a very scary thought.
Questions like "what if I don't pick the right thing" or "what if I like something better but will never know" cross your mind. You end up being kind of stuck in a place where you think you should keep doing what you're doing but always question what other things lie beyond.
I've thought of a million different things I could do, but I always come back to biology. I don't know why, but I just like the beauty in life. Ground breaking research that can change people's lives is just fascinating and it all comes back to biology.
I know eventually once I get past these general classes and get to more interesting specific subject, the passion will come back.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is you might question what you should be doing freshman year, but keep in mind if you have a path you like, stick with it. Allow yourself to get into more interesting, upper level classes because it'll get better. It's normal to question what you should be doing, and if anything that is good and part of the process of going to college.
