Across the nation, doctors are unaware of the epidemics affecting college students each academic year. It has been noted that these medical phenomena have only been identified on college campuses, leaving researchers dumbfounded. In order to enhance the knowledge of my peers, I will discuss the top five most common diseases affecting students.

1. Lecturenarcolepsy: Difficulty to stay awake during lectures

It has been recognized that between the hours of 8:00-10:00 a.m. as well as 2:00 to 4:00 p.m., symptoms of Lecturenarcolepsy have shown prevalence in lecture halls across college campuses. This disease may increase chances of being called out and/or embarrassed by professors, missing valuable exam notes, and cuddling with strangers’ shoulders. Unfortunately, there is no cure for this epidemic; however, research has found that an increase of caffeinated beverages prior to attendance may reduce symptoms.

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2. Finalphobia: Fear of taking final examinations

This disease affects an astonishing 9.5/10 college students each semester, and has been noted to only be in affect during mid-December and mid-May. Symptoms may include high blood pressure, zombie-esque appearance, lack of personal hygiene and alarm clock paranoia. Fortunately, when the noted time span is over, all symptoms seem to quickly relinquish. In fact, researchers have found that 97.4% of recovered students seem to show signs of relief, happiness, increased blood pressure, and the need to sleep for days and/or throw a party. 

3. Netflixia: The Inability to stop binge-watching shows on Netflix

Common cases have reported personal obsessions with TV show series, leading to imaginatively swapping real-life friends for TV characters (for example your "BFFs" Blair and Serena). With students' capability to stream popular shows on computers, tablets and many mobile devices, the risk of being afflicted has become almost unavoidable. Researchers have found that the prevalence of Netflixia has increased by 38% since Friends was offered on Netflix.

4. Procrastionationism: Failure to begin studying and/or do homework until the last minute

Although a wide range of cases have been disclosed, students with essay deadlines seem to be the most vulnerable. It has been noted that college Moodle sites are increasingly more active between the hour of 11:00 p.m. and 12:00 a.m., showing signs that students are surely suffering. Fortunately, no human fatalities have been reported; however, GPAs have taken a toll.

5. Latethursdaynightiola: Incapability to stay in on Thursday nights and go to bed at a decent time

This may result in frequent headaches, missing cellphones, and regrets Friday morning, along with the increased chance of absence at 9:00 a.m. lectures. Latethursdaynightiola is known to affect groups of friends at one time, causing researchers to delve into testing for contagiousness of this disease. Although there is no vaccine, both increasing water intake and setting multiple alarms have been known to reduce the likelihood of catching this dreadful disease.

Are you or a loved one suffering from one or all of these diseases? Me too.