Coffee Does What?

It’s always a back and forth argument on whether something is good for you or bad for you. One day it’s discovered that something is good for you, and then a year or so later, it’s bad for you. For all you coffee drinkers, today is your lucky day.

CNN posted an article recently that will make everyone jump out of their seat and go running for the nearest Starbucks. Carina Storrs reported that coffee could literally (yes, literally) be a lifesaver. Yup, lifesaver.

The article said that after completing 37 studies since 2013, it was discovered that coffee could lower your mortality risk. I am sipping on coffee as I write this and I can already feel my life span lengthening.

The article attributed the U.S. Department of Agriculture, that said coffee can be incorporated into a healthy lifestyle, as long as a person stays within three to five cups per day. This article was the best because it included news about coffee throughout the centuries. Please enjoy while making yourself another cup of joe.

Coffee was created by an Ethiopian man in the 1500s who found his goats eating green leaves and red berries, then followed in his goats’ footsteps and tried the combination. If that’s how great things are created, you can count me out.

A 1600s headline stated that coffee cures all (as an avid coffee drinker, I most definitely believe this). It said it could solve coughs, headaches, stomachaches, and help digestion. I have found that lack of coffee tends to lead to headaches, but as soon as the heaven-sent liquid is swallowed, my headache magically goes away.

A 1700s headline said coffee makes you work longer. I don’t think anyone can deny that. It can be enjoyed in the morning to help a person wake up, in the afternoon to stimulate people to get through the day, and at night, particularly for college students desperately needing to stay awake to cram for a test the night before. Needless to say, yes, coffee seems to make people get stuff done.

In the mid-1800s, it was reported that there was a coffee shortage. I don’t even want to discuss this tragic occurrence. Let’s move on.

There were the basic rumors that coffee makes you go blind, stunts your growth, gives kids bad grades, and makes blood pressure rise similar to that of a heart attack. If you’re a coffee drinker, you’re probably rolling your eyes right now. Same.

Between the years of 2007 and 2013, research showed that coffee can reduce the risk of some cancers and strokes.

Now, in 2015, coffee can make you live longer. This news is great for anyone who drinks coffee. This news is great for anyone who doesn’t drink coffee because it gives them a reason to start. Enjoy your latte while on your way to work—and start planning what you want to do with your extra time alive.