closing-the-orgasm-gap

Ladies, Can't Remember The Last Time You've Orgasmed? Let's Talk About The Orgasm Gap

Women have orgasm significantly few times than men, but that can change

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You've heard of the gender pay gap and the thigh gap, but a new gap has been brought to light and this the orgasm gap. The orgasm gap is the phenomenon in which women experience orgasms during a sexual encounter at a significantly lower rate than men.

In a survey conducted by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB), 85 percent of male respondents reported orgasming during their most recent sexual encounter with a partner, while for women that number was down to 63 percent. The NSSHB also found that it is more difficult for women to orgasm from just penetrative sex. When a woman experienced a sexual encounter that consisted of a variety of sexual acts, she was more likely to orgasm.

We know this gap exists and we need to look at its causes so we can close it. The reason for this orgasm disparity has a lot to do with our social norms regarding sex.

Sexual scripts direct the way men and women should act during a sexual or romantic encounter. In these sexual scripts, the male orgasm is often prioritized and they insinuate the idea that sex ends with male ejaculation. It also continues the idea that women can easily orgasm from penetrative sex alone, which we know from statistic evidence and first-hand experiences that this is simply not the case.

Additionally, men are told to seek as many sexual encounters as they can, while women should keep their body count low. Masturbation is something normalized for men starting at an early age, while female masturbation is often considered grotesque. These ideas enable men to have more sexual experiences, therefore, they are more likely to know what they like in bed and what feels pleasurable. Women are shamed for engaging in such behaviors and do not get to explore their sexuality and desires to the extent that men do.

The way we educate young folks on sex fails to include the idea that sex should be something pleasurable. Even when it aims for sex positivity, the discussion largely focuses on having safe sex. This is, of course, is very important to teach to reduce the risk of getting STDs, prevent unplanned pregnancy, and establish what consent looks like. However, we don't educate people on orgasms which should be considered equally important.

We don't teach young women to feel confident enough to ask for what they really want in bed and gratify their sexual desires. Instead, many women base their sexual satisfaction off their male partner's sexual pleasure. The cultural joke of young men unable to give young women orgasm from sex again shows how common it is that women experience fewer orgasms than men and that is almost expected that the women will not orgasm during a sexual encounter.

Women should also be encouraged to experiment with what they like by masturbating and they shouldn't be shamed for having sex because it helps women understand what feels pleasurable for themselves. We should teach women to feel comfortable with telling their partner what makes them feel good and we should teach men to be receptive of that.

The orgasm gap can be closed. We just have to adjust our norms around sex. Don't be afraid to stray away from sexual scripts and try to switch things up in bed. Women, you should feel empowered to ask for what you want in bed to fulfill your desires. Sex should be an experience in which both partners should feel completely satisfied.

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This Is What Happens When You Give Up Masturbating For Four Days

The results probably won't shock you all that much.
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So recently "Brohit," a guy on Reddit, gained a lot of attention by describing the amazing things that happened to him when he quit masturbating for 700 days. He apparently also gained an increased attention span, more energy, and found it easier to have actual sex. Well, this intrigued me. I mean, look at how many news outlets ran stories about this. I sure wouldn't mind that level of attention. Because of this, I decided to try and recreate his experiment to see if I could replicate his results. Now instead of just telling you the results I will be giving a detailed description of my experience throughout my endeavors, and although I didn't quite make it to 700 days I still think that the results of my experiment are worthy of at least one article from questionable websites, looking at you "Bro Bible."

Day 1:

So the first day I woke up and immediately started masturbating. I was about halfway through when I remembered that I wasn't supposed to be doing this, but it was kind of too late at that point so I just finished up and decided to try again the next day.

Day 1 (Take 2):

This time, it took me until after I finished to remember about my experiment, it seemed as though I was making negative progress. I decided I'd do everything I could to prevent this happening again.

Day 1 for Real:

It's true what they say, third time is the charm. That, and my plan to teach my phone to auto-correct "porn" to "don't do it." I made it through most of the day pretty easily, just avoided most media. Especially anything with Emily VanCamp in it. Or Chris Evans. I was actually good right up until I went to bed. Here's a fun little psychology lesson, if you do something repeatedly in the same place all the time, your brain associates that activity with that place. It's why they say you shouldn't do stuff in your bed besides sleeping. I do stuff in my bed that isn't sleeping. Mainly masturbate. It's pretty hard to go to bed with an erection.

Day 2:

I woke up pretty frustrated, and equally as erect as when I went to bed. I was pretty committed to keeping going, though, otherwise, that first day would've been for nothing. However, I knew that I couldn't go through another day like that. I decided to try exercising as an alternative for masturbation. I went for a short run and when I got back I felt pretty good. I was starting to feel some of the symptoms Brohit had mentioned actually, mainly the increased energy. This was either the endorphins released from the run or the no masturbation. Since it fit my hypothesis better I decided it must be from the no masturbation. The downside was all this new found energy just made me want to masturbate more. I mean, I had already exercised what the hell else am I supposed to do with my day? I was pretty sure exercising was out after that. Back to the only thing I could do to not get turned on, watching the pilot of Kevin Can Wait on repeat until I fell asleep.

Day 3:

Enough was enough at this point, I had to do what Brohit said he did: Join dating apps and obsessively check my phone waiting for a response so that I could have sex. Seriously, that's something he said he did. I was starting to think this "healthy" alternative to masturbation was a bit off, but at the same time, I still had 697 days left until reaching the ultimate goal so who knows, maybe things would change. I learned two things from dating apps. One, Farmers Only takes the "Only" part very seriously, and two, if you right swipe everybody it's pretty easy to find someone who's up for pretty much whatever. I made it clear what I was looking for so there were no mixed messages, I just wanted someone to come to my room, sit behind me and jerk me off with their left hand so I could go to sleep.

Day 4:

I started off the fourth day pretty optimistically. Apart from being the single most awkward human interaction I'd ever had, the silent dry handjob administered to me by a stranger had really done the trick in helping me get a good night's rest. It did raise a question, though, what was so bad about jerking off? I mean, why was it better for me to stress out checking my phone "every few minutes," like Brohit had, to get a stranger to come and rub one out for me instead of me just doing the five finger shuffle at bed time? So I decided to look up why it was so important for Brohit to have given up masturbating in the first place. I checked it out and according to Planned Parenthood, there's actually quite a few health benefits to masturbation. For those of you who don't trust Planned Parenthood, because you think they are exclusively in the business of baby murder, here's one of those questionably sourced websites that I'm sure you like saying pretty much the same things. Masturbation can, among other things, help improve sex with others, help you feel better about yourself and even make you feel better about your body image. In men it can increase sperm quality and in women it can help reduce menstrual cramps. It turns out masturbation isn't something to quit, it's an activity that may help improve your sexual health and even your overall health. After reading this I opened up a nice incognito window and made God cry with the things that I did to myself. It's a shame Brohit didn't take the time to research masturbation a little bit before deciding to go without for 700 days. At least he got semi-internet famous, though, and in the end isn't that worth it? Well no, probably not.

Cover Image Credit: Tissue

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I Want To Be Embraced, But Touch Triggers Me

A poem about touch.

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I want to be embraced, but touch triggers me,

Because with touch comes vulnerability.

Touch has the power to lift you yet can destroy you if it's unwanted.

We touch to feel, but the longingness to feel something—a body that isn't yours--takes the good feeling away.

It breaks you.

Over and over again you try to train your mind to tell itself that every touch is not bad; every touch won't leave you crying on the bathroom floor asking why this happened to you.

Every touch won't deprive you of your appetite.

Every touch won't leave you numb like you are when you're reminded of the person who took it all away from you.

Every touch is not meant to harm you the way their touch did.

Every touch isn't meant to break you.


I want to be embraced, because it can make me feel safe

It tells me that I am understood—

Not a body for someone to conquer, but one to nurture.

To be embraced is to be loved—by someone, by something.

But when being embraced turns so quickly into being touched, the safety net disappears.


I want to find refuge in your touch, but touch triggers me.

Because with touch came the conquering of my body

With touch, I was left to pick up the pieces of myself, alone.

With touch, I lost sight of my own.


I want to be embraced, but touch triggers me.

Because I'm reminded of the unwanted ones.

I want to be embraced and touched by you, but it's hard to differentiate between the two

The good from bad- the nurturing from the conquering.

They say boys will be boys, but the parents who taught their boys to be boys, turned into men who left unhealed wounds

Touch triggers me, but I don't want it to.

I want to be loved by you.

My mind says to let go and let you.

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