According to the Mayo Clinic, agoraphobia is "a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless, or embarrassed." I have had anxiety since I was a freshman in high school, and despite being on treated for it for over a year now, it continues to grow worse. Recently while researching different treatment methods for anxiety, I stumbled across the word "agoraphobia." While I've not mentioned this to a doctor, I have many agoraphobic tendencies. After sixth grade, I never went over to anyone's house, if we had sleepovers, they came over to my house. I got this pit in my stomach and had trouble breathing just at the thought of it. This fear has grown much worse in the past two years. Even now it is very difficult to explain what is going on in my head.
In attempts to battle some of my anxiety, which is an everyday struggle for me, I decided to do some adventuring this summer. Which means I planned three trips this summer along with helping out with two summer camps. I have been worried about them since I put them on my calendar. Many times I back out of trips because I feel so stressed and uncomfortable that I can't cope with my emotions. This summer, I was determined to go through with my plans despite the fear that was making it difficult to function in everyday life.
You see, I have an issue with leaving my comfort zone. Sometimes that is my house, sometimes it's my dorm, and sometimes it is being with people I know and trust. The other day I wanted to go hiking, so again, trying to take every opportunity I can to do things that scare me, I decided to plan a spur of the moment hiking trip. Ultimately a friend of mine and I packed up our backpacks and a picnic and drove an hour to Max Patch in North Carolina, and we climbed the mountain. I was metaphorically (and literally I guess) climbing out of my comfort zone.
So this summer is me breaking down barriers and walls that I have put up in my life. It is me facing fears that many people don't understand. As I continue on my journey to do these ordinary things in extraordinary circumstances, I am reminded to put my heart in God's hands, to let Him help me through this anxiety and to use these circumstances to help others. I also am reminded that I am not alone, although it feels that way sometimes, because I have the best helper of all time walking with me on my journey out of my comfort zone.
