I know, I know. Finally an article we all find important. Finally an article about Clifford the Big Red Dog.

So, Clifford grew to that ridiculous size because his owner loved him so much. On many occasions, this thought is enough to make me cry tears of joy. I mean that much deep love for your pet is incredible and it should be given to all of the animals in the world, but then we would have to accept our spot on the bottom of the food chain and I live in fear already.

One day I was expressing how Clifford got to his gargantuan size to one of my very good friends up at college, and she brought a very important thought to my attention. "Clifford is large due to the love his owner has for him. Now think about her parents"

If anyone ever wondered how easy it was to crush my spirit, all it takes is one sentence. Her parents are just normal human sized! One day they bring home this fluffy red dog and she decides, yeah I'm going to like you so much more. Now, this is easy thinking about how wonderful most dogs are. I must put in that own a dog, but I can't say I love him so much that all my love is going into him and making him a ridiculous size but, also we now have to take into consideration the changes the family had to make on their house when Clifford grew. He lives in their garage! If his owner has this special love, she could love the garage and make it grow, but there is no proof to say that is what happened. Probability says she probably made her parents pay to redo the garage so Clifford had a place to reside when it rains. Lousy good for nothing girl. Also how much money do you think goes into feeding that dog? Luckily, someone else did the math before I had to. Popular blogger gregdyounger states "Clifford is approximately 15 times the size of the regular dog (30’/2). Labs tend to eat 4 cups of food a day, once again multiplying this by 15, that’s 60 cups a food a day". He eventually comes to the conclusion that food in total for Clifford would come out to $3,500 per year. Grooming Clifford could come out to $750 per wash and I do not want to even go into what their water bill must be.

This family must either be insanely rich, and I'm talking money flying out of their ear holes rich, or in very deep denial. Either way, what will they do when our loving owner heads off to college? Will they have to take out loans because their Big Read Headache ate all of the funds, or are they well enough off? All I know is, this dog must be way more work than he is worth.