Some of you already know: I've been doing the Whole30. Those of you who do know, know because I've been whining about my life to you. Or trying to make it sound funny when in reality, I'm whining about my life.

If you don't know what Whole30 is, it's basically a thirty day run of eating the cleanest you possibly can: No grains, no dairy, no additives or preservatives, no sugars, no alcohol. As they say, "no exceptions or excuses". You eat one bite of cake, you're back at day 1, friend. The purpose is to A, get into better habits at least for a month, and B, figure out what your body is good or bad at handling. Now, I always feel like I've eaten pretty well. But I didn't realize just how hard it would be. Withdrawal from sugar is a bit fat jerk. And I, being the punk that I am, asked myself, "Sarah, how can you convey these feelings to a crowd?" And of course, the answer I came up with is "gee, those first fifteen days are kind of like the five stages of grief." Because yes. Food influences my life way more than it should. So, here we go.

1. Denial

"It's not gonna be so bad. I feel fine. I'm gonna OWN this program!" This is the first day. Literally only the first day, people. You have your salad, you have the willpower, and you are ready to conquer the WORLD. It feels like everything is gonna work out just. Fine. I mean, if you're doing so well this first day, that can only mean things go up from here, right?

2. Anger

"I hate my body. I hate salad. I hate everything healthy. I'm going to chug this ENTIRE BOTTLE OF CHOCOLATE SYRUP and NO ONE CAN TOUCH ME." This lasted... A long time for me. I literally would just walk through the store snarling at the bread aisle and dreaming of stuffing my face with the entire cheese display. It was not my proudest moment.(Note: this image is kind of perfect. Slamming a colander of greens in the sink? May have happened at one point.)

3. Bargaining

"Maybe ten days is enough. I feel good enough. I'm sure all thirty days isn't really necessary. Who would even notice?" Or maybe, you know. One bite of chocolate isn't gonna kill me or my 30 day commitment. This happened every time I passed an aisle of bread. I know, I know. Wouldn't sweets be the biggest temptation? No, friends. It's bread. (I miss you so much). Aaaaand now I'm thinking about it.

4. Depression

"I'm not fit for this. I thought I could do it, but I can't. I'm not strong enough." So, most of this post is a joke, but this is something very real. To all my friends doing this or something similar, you can do it! It can get really hard, especially if you feel like you should be able to resist temptation but find yourself having a hard time. No worries. It'll pass.

5. Acceptance

"I guess I should stick this through. I have been feeling pretty good." Ah. The light at the end of the tunnel. When you realize that a month is not forever, and hey, it's done a lot of good things. Not only has my skin cleared up completely, I have more patience, energy, and optimism. Also, I've been getting some nice(as in, non-creepy) comments about my appearance. I'll take them.

I'm not going to stick with the program forever. I like my food(and my bread) too much. But I'm hoping this starts some better habits with myself. Our body is important. I didn't realize how badly I was treating mine until now. And even with all the anger, all the frustration, I would never take back the experience. I feel more independent, more comfortable in my clothing, and just more confident about life.

Oh, and pray for me, y'all. I've only got ten more days.