It took me 17 years to figure out that there is no "one" person I'm destined to be with. From the day we're born we are bombarded with images of what true love is. Christians know that true love is being willing to die for someone, even if they don't "deserve" it (all the praise hands to Jesus). And Christians should be the first to admit that people are messy and imperfect. So why are we looking for a perfect spouse, who will constantly give us an aura of happiness and infatuation? Cinderella is a fairy tale for a reason. My advice is to stop waiting/looking for the "one" person you're meant to be with, and start becoming the right kind of Christian your future spouse will be proud to have. Let's dig in to what the Bible has to say about our marriage partners and what I've discovered from my own studies (no promises that I'm 100% right, I ain't no theologian).
Problems With "The One" Outlook
A problem that immediately stopped my "The One" belief was the fact that if one person screwed up and married the wrong person, the whole lineup would be doomed and we all would end up with the wrong people. And let's be honest, someone probably would've married the wrong person by now, in this Year of the Lord 2016.
I should stop this section right there, because that seems convincing enough. But there is something else I need to mention--again. There is no perfect person for you. Most likely, your future spouse will make you angry, upset, and hurt at times. We are human, and we all do that to each other. But hopefully, they will also try to work on things, will make you feel loved, and happy, and safe.
One of the more depressing problems with this outlook comes after marriage, when things get tough. Some people choose to divorce because the partner they're with must not have been "the one." Christians, marriage is a covenant between you, your spouse, and God. It shouldn't be thrown away because of some problems. Divorce, of course, is acceptable if you are in danger, but don't give up just because your husband doesn't flip the toilet seat back down.
Does God Have A Say In Who I Marry?
Of course He does! We should always come to Him for guidance for everything in our life, let alone the person we spend the rest of our lives with! He knows who our spouse will be. But I don't believe He decides who it is. There are many accounts in the Old and New Testament that suggest we choose our own marriage partners. Countless times in the Bible it talks about how men "took" a wife. For example, "Abraham again took a wife, and her name was Keturah." (Genesis 25:1) In the New Testament, Paul wrote: "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8-9) His language suggests that it's up to us to choose whether or not we marry, and therefore God probably doesn't have one specific person he has chosen for us. On the other hand, there are a couple of times when God told people who to marry, for example, with Joseph and Mary. It's very uncommon though, to have God one day tell you the name of the person you should marry. If you find someone you like, pray about it, and search for God's "OK." I would be careful waiting for Him to show you a huge sign of who to marry however.
How Do I Know Who To Be With?
There is no magic formula. Dig into the Bible, and truly pray for wisdom as you embark on your journey for a spouse. Avoid dating someone who doesn't know God.
"Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?" -2 Corinthians 6:14
Someone who loves God, will love you, and is given the "OK" from God is a good start. The rest is all up to your taste.
