One of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make was which gender I wanted to be attracted to. One of my fondest memories of my elementary school years was when the girls from my kindergarten class and I were gathered in a super-secret huddle at recess to discuss the boys that we had crushes on at school. Yes, this was a thing that happened when I was 5. Yes, I uttered the name of a boy in my class. No, I did not actually have any feelings whatsoever for this boy, or anyone for that matter, at the age of 5.

Love and attraction have been ongoing themes in my life since I was a young child, but the world considers you straight until proven gay. And me? I’ve always been someone who loves to swim against the crowd. I’m one of the twenty-seven people in America who voluntarily watched every episode of Glee, after all. Why not let my sexual orientation be one more way to define myself as an “other”? After all, it’s just so darn fun to be rejected by society!

But then my indecisiveness kicked in. If I decided to be straight, I would have a chance with my celebrity hero/crush Chris Colfer (who was obviously only choosing to be gay because he hadn’t met me yet). But if I decided to be gay, I would be an automatic rebel in society’s eyes; my thirst for rebellion was peaking at the ripe age of 16, so this choice felt slightly more alluring.

And then one day, the thought occurred to me: why couldn’t I decide to find boys AND girls sexually attractive? No matter that bisexuality only exists as a label because people are either experimenting or confused—I was determined to label myself as bisexual. It was the perfect chance to be rebellious, have Chris Colfer fall madly in love with me, and overall enjoy the perks of what multiple genders have to offer. Why on earth would I pass this opportunity up?

Yes, many people are afraid that labeling themselves as bisexual means that they are promiscuous and forever unsatisfied with a monogamous relationship. Well, this wasn’t a problem for me: I love being labeled as untrustworthy in a relationship!

And honestly, I find it freeing to know that people see me as someone who will always cheat or sleep around because I’m never satisfied. Sure, I find cheating horrible and upsetting and I’m completely against hookup culture. But choosing to be bisexual has fooled people into thinking the opposite is true about me. Imagine! Fooling people about your personality just by saying whom you’re attracted to! It’s so sneaky, don’t you think? I’ve become stealthier than a ninja. I’ll sneak into your life, tell you I’m bisexual so you think I’ll be a fun experiment in dating, and… voila! I reveal myself as a serial monogamist and you’re trapped with me forever!

I also love that now, as a proclaimed bisexual, I have almost no characters in the media that I can feel connected to based on sexual orientation. It’s so great to feel alone when you’re an introvert like me. Besides feeling judged, feeling alone is probably my favorite feeling of all. At least, it should be, since I’ve chosen to be bisexual.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go check off writing this article on my (half) gay-agenda.