Often times we look back on our lives and wonder what happened—when, where, why—did things change? How do our lives go from white to black without any recollection of the gray areas? Growing up, I didn’t have a care in the world: I’m sure a lot of you can relate.

I didn’t care what I wore, what I was eating, what I was doing—as long as I was laughing, having fun and being true to myself, I was happy. But then we grow up and the people around us begin to change. Suddenly we’re supposed to be wearing designer clothes or we’re not popular. If we don’t wear makeup, we’re considered ugly, but if we wear too much, we’ll get made fun of. We have to be skinny, but not too skinny because we’ll look unhealthy. Oh, and try and have big boobs and a big butt, but just don’t be too chunky or we’ll be deemed "the fat girl."

We go from these kids without a care in the world to self-conscious teenagers who are mentally and physically destroyed from keeping up with all of society’s rules. Depression, eating disorders, anorexia, obesity, and drug abuse…all issues that stem from the struggle of maintaining an image that the media claims as “perfect”.

Daddy’s little girl turns into someone who bases her worth off of the number on the scale and the infamous thigh gap becomes a goal look for girls whose thighs rub together. When did this happen? Better yet, WHY?

I am guilty of all of it. For years I would wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and literally pick my body apart, inch after inch. “My arms are too jiggley…I have the biggest love handles...” and the negative comments continued.

I was envious of every other girl who wasn’t me…especially when they had something or someone I wanted. I was guilty of playing the victim to my own insecurities…thinking that I was being “punished” for whatever reason. I had the mentality that I had to fit in a certain pant size, weigh a certain amount and constantly have a flat stomach.

So naturally, I began to have a love/hate relationship with food and working out. I would force myself to go to the gym, jump on a treadmill, do some cardio and call it a night. But then I’d rush home and realize I didn’t have abs. This is when I would fuel my feelings of defeat with foods that were not going to get me anywhere near the body I wanted. In some instances, I loved indulging in “bad” foods…but most of the time, I feared it. I FEARED FOOD. That’s crazy. That’s unhealthy. But it took me awhile to figure that out.

See, I realized that I would never get where I wanted to be if I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was brainwashed into thinking that if I could just weight a certain amount that I would be happy. How sad is that? Not once did I think about eating healthy or working out simply because I wanted to or enjoyed it so I would guilt myself into doing both regardless.

BUT THEN…(yes, this story gets brighter), I opened up my eyes and started doing things for myself. I made a conscious effort to stop comparing myself to people who I would never look like…not because my body wouldn’t change, but simply because WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT BODY COMPOSITIONS!

So with that negativity no longer fogging my brain, I began to focus on ME (because I matter, dammit). I focused on what foods I liked/disliked, what workouts felt right and didn’t, and made the decision to work towards a healthier lifestyle. Because that’s what this was. This wasn’t a three week cleanse…a time to starve myself. This was a journey where I would be going through trials and errors, figuring out what worked for my body and what I thought was a balanced approach.

I made that decision nearly two years ago and ultimately, I AM HAPPY. I no longer weigh myself every single day. I don’t fixate on what size shirt or pants I have to buy while I’m shopping. Why? Because for the FIRST TIME I know that I am more than a number. I am more than a size. I am more than what society deems the perfect weight or the perfect size.

I am not trying to please others or look a certain way for someone else. I’m not competing to be better than you or any other person reading this. I am just trying to be better than the person I was yesterday and every day after that.

It is difficult. Some days are better than others, while some days I resort back to my unhealthy mentality. I catch myself comparing, grabbing onto excess skin in my mid-section, wondering why I’ve let myself go. But then I snap out of it, and realize that it is a process…it is a lifestyle.

So, if you’re struggling with your body image, know that you’re not alone but also that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Remember that being healthy is not just exercising and eating nutritious foods…it is also the thoughts we think every single day. You will thrive with positive thoughts, along with positive actions.

And please, please. Stop trying to meet society’s standards…meet your own.