I've had heartbreaks in my life, it's normal. But there's always one cut that is the deepest and the hardest to heal. My first heartbreak wasn't from a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship gone south, but rather it was at the hands of the boy I thought was my best friend. He and I were attached at the hip, always together.

It was one of those friendships that everyone would come up to me and say "wow I wish I had a friendship like yours." My favorite one was "You guys will get married one day!" It was my favorite for the reason that our sexual preferences were different so we would sit at the end of the day and tally up all the times we heard it and laugh about it. We spent what felt like every second of every day together, we had our different groups at school, but we would always see each other during the day. Everyone around us knew that it was us two, always.

Everything turned upside down one day. There was no coming back from what happened that night. I did something I can't explain, I lost myself, I was going through something so incredibly painful that I decided to push my best friend away. And it worked. We weren't the same anymore, he couldn't trust me (with reason). But he had all this built up anger and one day he blew up on me. Except it wasn't a confrontational thing. It was more of "I'm going to attack you online" kind of thing.

He did exactly that. He took my name and said the most disgusting things. He posted pictures of guns, he went on and on about how he wished I would kill myself. That the world would be a better place without me. He told his hundreds of followers that he would dance on mine and my family's graves. Posted a step-by-step explanation on how to tie a noose and use it correctly. All of this nastiness was all over his Twitter and people were telling him to stop, that it was too much, that his feelings should be his only and not to post it all over the place. He is too hard headed to listen to what anyone else had to say. He, in his mind, was right and needed the world to know.

That moment I read those tweets, something left me, something in me did die. Something about me doesn't light up the same way anymore. As I read the tweets, I could feel my heart fall deeper and deeper into the pit of my stomach. I was numb to it all, I didn't cry, I didn't yell. I didn't do anything but sit there and stare at my screen. After it started to hit me, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't handle the pain I had in me. It was like I was drowning within myself. My best friend did this to me. He made me feel as if someone reached in my chest, ripped out my heart and ran it over with an 18-wheeler before placing it back.

I couldn't hate him, I couldn't feel love for him. I just couldn't feel anything but the pain inside. Nothing anyone said to me mattered anymore. No matter how many "it's OK I'm here for you" I heard, I still felt so alone where I was.

I was embarrassed.

I was humiliated.

I was so incredibly heartbroken.

However, I was also so incredibly lucky I was so strong. I was and am still so lucky I knew my self-worth. I was lucky to be surrounded by great people who had my back through it all.

He made me stronger. I learned that maybe he was never really my friend, maybe I loved him and valued our friendship more than he did. I learned how valuable my life is and how just because one person says the world would be a better place without me doesn't make it true.

The world would never be the same without you, you contribute so much to everything and everyone around you. I almost let the person I thought loved me as his best friend convince me I was useless and better off dead.

I am anything BUT useless and if you need to hear/read it, so are you.

You are worth every thing this world has to offer you and more. Do not let anyone tear you down with their words.

If by chance he stumbles upon this and reads this until the end, I want him to know that even though he didn't ask for it, I forgive him completely.

Telling someone to kill themselves for ANY reason, is not OK. Ever.