Like many college students, I have changed my mind about my field of study several times before "settling down." I graduated high school with a plan: I'd major in cognitive science and minor in psychology. I would graduate with honors and attend graduate school. I was going to get my doctorate in neuroscience and become a pediatric neurologist. This path seemed clear to me. Now I know I'm not the only one who has freaked out every time they saw their path change. Deep down though, I knew what I wanted and where God wanted me to go, but I was too scared to take the leap. I went from having my heart set on a career in science to a career in law. I thought my background in debate was proof that I was meant for this. Surely the rush of winning a debate and making a difference was a clear sign of what I was meant to do?
The problem that I and thousands of other college students (heck, anyone) have is that we are lying to ourselves. We don't consider who we truly are and our God-given gifts. I am very right-brained; I hate math and abhor conflict. In what world would I ever be happy as a neuroscientist or a lawyer? But my desire to be something I'm not actually held me back. I pursued paths that would be a safety net and a sure job market. In both professions there was little risk and a bigger paycheck. I lied to myself and said it wasn't for the money and status, but deep down there was this sense of dread. Did I really want to do this? This is real life we're talking about.
The truth is that I have always loved writing. Writing gives me a sense of freedom. Writing allows me to say what I can't speak. I can't remember exactly how long I've loved it, but I do remember when I began writing stories. I even remember my first character. I fell in love with creating worlds immediately. It didn't take me long after that to realize that this was my gift. English had always been my easiest subject and now I understood why. I loved it. I loved the world of words and stories. Maybe I stumble over words when I speak, but words flowed like water from my fingertips. Recently I came across an old scrapbook that asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. My answer? I wanted to be a writer. Me as a child knew what I was supposed to do before adult me accepted it.
Writing quickly turned into a far-fetched dream as I shared with people what I wanted to do. I was laughed at and patronized. You had to be lucky to get a book published. I didn't understand the grueling and competitive process. There was no way a naive little girl like me would survive in that kind of world. Even worse, it just wasn't a realistic dream. These types of messages were flung at me more often than not. I quickly stopped telling people I was a writer because I loathed the look they'd give me. They would sound encouraging but their doubt was unmistakable. I started looking to more practical careers, such as science and law. I would direct my writing skills more towards academic topics rather than toward the creativity I love.
One day it hit me how absolutely ridiculous I was being and what my problem was. My fear of taking that leap...of taking risks, was constantly dragging me down. Any kind of profession in the creative arts is a risk in and of itself, and in January I took my biggest leap ever by deciding to change my major from criminal justice to journalism. Some people thought I was crazy! I'm a junior and this move would set me back a year, but a friend gave me some amazing insight. She told me that anyone making this kind of change should be proud of this move. Not only is it a brave risk, but you are preparing to do something you love for the rest of your life. So what if you spend one more year in school? What does this compare to a life-time?
Take it from someone who finally decided to really listen to God and understand herself better. I changed schools, forced myself to meet a whole new set of people, joined three different organizations to familiarize myself with the industry, and completely changed my major! And you know what? I have never been happier. My grades have gone up and my stress has gone down. My ambition and excitement for life has returned as well. If someone were to tell me I was crazy for this change, I would kindly tell them that the only thing I regret is not making this change sooner.
"I want to live in a world where the word normal is an insult." -- Misha Collins
