Seasons change, people change, life changes, etc. Change is understandably terrifying. Not everyone can handle the process. Change takes its toll on everyone. Change, however, is necessary. Change is as necessary as breathing. So why does something so necessary often cause us so much pain?
We struggle with change because we all have the basic, human desire for stability, and change disturbs stability. We avoid change no matter how small, because we often struggle to adjust to it. Think about the last time you bought new shoes. It took some time to break them in and get used to them, right? You had to walk a lot to adjust to them. That is what change is like. When change happens, you need to work to adjust to this new piece of life. Eventually, it gets easier. It doesn’t seem like it at first and it won’t get easier overnight, but you do eventually adjust.
A program that I have been part of has had a lot of change in the past couple of years. Several staff and mentors have changed positions or have left the program completely. For me, people leaving is the hardest change to adjust to. The closer you get to someone, the harder it is to see them leave.
I remember the first year I was in this program. The first person I met when I came into the office left a couple of months after I started. I was pretty upset, to say the least. I had gotten pretty close to her and enjoyed coming to see her every week, but when she left, I didn’t know how to take it. I knew I was never good at change, especially when it came to people. I just cried. A lot. I eventually started to accept that she was leaving and then, with the help of mentor, I started to accept that she was gone.
I opened up to others in the office and then I was fine...until it happened again. Another person gone. I wasn’t so close to them, but it still kind of hurt. I didn’t really understand why they would leave. I adjusted to the change in time to say goodbye to another person. I was even more frustrated with the change and was very close to shutting down, if I hadn’t already. It sucked, but I was starting to understand. It got harder, though, when it was someone who I was closer to than the mentor I talked to every week. I felt so angry and sad at first. We had just lost someone and now they were leaving, too.
By this time, I had begun to understand that change was inevitable. I started feeling a little less distraught by the change. A little bit less. By the time it came to switch to a new mentor, I was almost a pro at adjusting. This change seemed to be a new kind of frightening. Imagine having shared your life story with someone and then having to do it again. My new mentor understood that and reminded me that I was not the only one who would now be starting over. It took a while, but I started letting her into my life. I adjusted. I’m glad I did. Even though we just lost another mentor and it hurts to lose them, I know it was for the best. Change is not always easy, but most of the time, when you adjust to it, you might find yourself happier after the change.
There are some ways that can help you to accept the changes that come.
Think about it as a new adventure or a plot twist on a reality show or in a book about your life.
Think about how the change might be good and necessary.
Consider the change through another’s perspective. They might be just as fearful as you are. Maybe they need this change.
Remember that change is going to happen, because nothing in this world is permanent.
Remember that with change comes new experiences, memories and friends.
Change does get easier to handle. A little easier every time.
Every day is a season and seasons change.
“Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.” - Nikos Kazantzakis
