I admit it. I am not denying it anymore because it does me no good. My name is Allison Laudano and I am, indeed, a horrible driver. No one EVER wants to ever ride in my car. It is always worst case scenario because everyone dreads riding in the same car as me. During my senior roast, a whole auditorium of my sorority sisters claimed that they were “survivors” for having been a witness to my chaotic driving style.

I swear I do try to be a safe driver. Ever met someone who was terrified to get their license? Guilty as charged. My mother had to drag me to the Department of Driver Services where I met the scariest man I had ever interacted with. I may have cried when he got into my car and casually ran over a traffic cone. It is a miracle we even made it out of the car that day alive. The even more surprising fact is that the man took utter pity on me and decided to burden the world with me as a teenage driver. I mean, we all make mistakes.

Eyes on the road, hands on 10 and 2, I know the drill. I have had drivers ed and even had to go back for defensive driving courses. The cops admire my driving style so much they like to praise me for it in the form of tickets. As well as being a horrible driver, I also have a lead foot. It is an unfortunate combination. 4 tickets, including one pretty little Super Speeder.

I remember the first time I ever got pulled over. I was late for work as per usual and was stressing out about it. It is the story of my life. The cop told me to roll down my window and point blank told me, “You are getting a ticket. 91 in a 65. ARE YOU ON FIRE?” Let’s just say my father was not pleased with me and unamused with my shenanigans that day. I may have sat there for an hour as my father turn bright red from screaming from me. You live and you learn.

Driving to Atlanta is one thing in itself. Driving in Atlanta with me behind the wheels means that you may have a death wish. One of my close friends and I went to a Braves game during the summer because what else is there to do? We decided I would be the one driving. Mark that as one of the worst decisions of our lives. Pair my chaotic life, horrible driving, and lack of direction and you get what we experienced that day. We may have been lost for twenty minutes because I almost cut off a guy getting off of the wrong exit. I proceed to scream at him, “Sorry, kind sir! I mean nothing by this. I am a nice person but a horrible driver.”

Lesson learned from this: never get in a car with me behind the wheel. It ends in broken dreams and tragedy.