So we've met somebody who we're interested in. We've taken the time to get to know them, and they have earned enough of your trust that you invite them into your personal lives. You both are attracted to each other, and have gone on a couple of dates, maybe even had sex a couple of times. As time passes on, the big question is starting to show up, and brings us to the argument of this essay;
Where is that relationship going to go?
First, let's take a look at the two major points to solution to this argument, casual vs serious relationships.
The definition of casual relationship is basically a temporary cause relationship (meaning there is a need or a want, based on the two individuals meeting to fulfill that need, based off what they are both attracted too) that has no long term commitment. This means that either partners can stop fulfilling that need or find someone else who's better match for them. Often times both partners come up with rules and agreements of the casual relationship in order for it to work, but most often at times it's to keep there emotions and feelings in check. Even though it is sometimes an inevitable outcome, the objective of a casual relationship is to fulfill each others needs without getting too emotionally attached. Ironically, this leads to our next topic and "apposing" side, a serious relationship.
A serious relationship, also known as a long term relationship, is when two people are both attracted and emotionally attached to one another, and decide to become an exclusive, monogamous relationship. You both are there for each other, and as the relationship progresses, you begin to fulfill primal needs, including, but not limited to, protecting, providing, and maintaining attraction towards one another (physical, emotional, and mental needs). A serious relationship adds comfort knowing that both partners are just seeing each through monogamy and could lead to something greater, such as getting married or having kids. This sounds ideal for the majority of society, but more often than not it doesn't turn out that way, which leads us to our argument.
Let's start off with the pro's of a casual relationship. Casual relationships can truly be an amazing thing; you get to know yourself better as an individual and what you like and don't like, your preferences and dating styles, and the adventure of meeting new people and discovering different forms of intimacy. Sounds pretty awesome, now let's look at the cons of a casual relationship.
Judgment plays a major role in casual relationships. The law of attraction states that like attracts like, what you put in, you put out. If you are a loving, genuine, and love yourself, you are less likely to attract someone who is negative repulsive, and sad. We are beings of both energy and frequency, so we tend to gravitate towards people with similar frequencies (interests) that bring fulfillment in our lives. But everything is a chance when it comes anything we do, but with risk comes greater rewards. But waking up one morning to go to the doctors office discovering your casual partner gave you an STD or is pregnant is not good for survival or one's health.
Another con (which ironically is a con in both casual and serious relationships) is jealousy. We are selfish creatures by nature, and nobody likes to see someone we've invested in (unless that person is emotionally healthy, or just simply doesn't care) with someone else. When jealousy is out there running wild, one, or even both partners can become very possessive, controlling, and abusive, rather if it's emotional, mental, or even physical. This is often a result of their upbringing in childhood, but that's another topic for another essay.
Another con (this applies to both casual and serious relationships) is reputation. This depends on the cultural and gender roles, but to keep it simple, women who are known to have more sexual partners without commitment are seen as less valuable than women who have don't participate in chronic sexual behavior with multiple men. In a man's eyes (some men don't care) a woman is more valuable if she is seen to have less sexual partners. But what a man doesn't know won't hurt him. Bottom line, you have to be careful about the people you let in your life, both literally and figuratively.
Now let's look at the pros of a serious relationship. It is often seen as a clear foundation for love to grow, if it isn't existent already. You and your partner decided to take things to the next level, and now (depending on the needs of each unique individual) it's about maintaining attraction towards one another before providing mutual primal needs. Great moments and memories are shared, you begin to become emotionally, mentally, and physically attached to each other, and you both begin to invest in each others future. Now let's look at the reality of a situation like that in dimer light.
Let's look at the cons of a serious relationship. People change overtime. If you or your partner does not continuously and consistently work on bettering themselves, -rather if it's daily, monthly, or even yearly- the longevity of that relationship is headed towards a downward spiral of misery and fulfillment. You rather keep moving forward or not at all. Staying stagnant and doing the same thing over and over again without innovation does not lead towards survival.
The sad and cruel thing is, there are hurt people hurting people, meaning those who have gotten there heartbroken going around doing grimy and deceitful things behind there partners back. Nobody likes being cheated on or played like a fool. Even though karma eventually makes its full loop around, nobody likes getting hurt or breaking up with someone. Depending on how serious the relationship is, it might take someone months, (even years) to get over someone, and we all know that person who always gets back with the same person over and over again, only to get hurt over and over again. That my friend is insanity; expecting the same result by doing the exact same sequence of events when all evidence states that no change has occurred, and you keep trying anyway. O how love can blind us and cloud our judgement.
So which side wins this argument? The answer lies within ourselves. To conclude there is no right or wrong way to find someone special or to fall in love. It just happens. Maybe the person you cheated on turned out to be the person you spend your entire life with. Maybe you'll marry your best friend, or a random person you met on the street or in the grocery store, or heck, even went to college with. So the next time you think about getting into a casual or serious relationship, figure out what you want and who you are first. Or just jump into it. Love works in mysterious ways, but you gotta be willing to put yourself out there.