In my twenty years of life I have seen things and gained more experiences than I can count. Some of those experiences have left me feeling light as air,on top of the world, high on nothing but the world around me and the memories I was making; and some of those experiences left me with a boulder.
When you go through something traumatic it changes you. It effects your life in so many aspects, leaving you with the weight of a boulder that you carry around with you wherever you go. This boulder weighs you down, it hurts you. You wonder if you can even go on any longer like this, carrying what feels like the weight of the world on your own shoulders. This boulder is something you constantly think of because you feel the weight of it in your trembling arms at all times. It's all you think about. It changes you, it becomes you.
As time passes, that boulder becomes a cinder block, and boy is that cinder block heavy. But in comparison to the boulder you can definitely carry the cinder block with a bit more ease. You even caught yourself smiling a few times today despite the weight you're still carrying. It's almost as if there were moments where it didn't cross your mind. After a long period of time carrying a boulder, and now a cinder block it's only natural that you find yourself getting stronger. Other tings that used to be heavy are much easier to life.
A little more time passes and your cinder block is now a brick. Still heavy? Yes. Still a burden to carry around? Yes. Easier than a cinder block and MUCH easier than a bolder? Absolutely. Sometimes you forget for hours at a time that you're even carrying a brick.It's always with you and you know that, but it becomes less of YOU and more just an object you're bringing along on your journey.
Finally, your brick has become a pebble. A pebble small enough to slip into your pocket. Small enough to forget about for hours until your hand brushes up against it searching for a piece of gum. You've even accidentally forgotten it in your pocket for a whole day and accidentally let it go through the wash. This pebble is something you will carry forever, you will never completely forget this pebble, but it no longer is a part of you and it no longer defines you. You're able to recognize it's existence without it weighing on you and causing you pain. Because of the strength you've gained over time, you actually find yourself being thanlful for this pebble.
When faced with trauma we are given a boulder that evntually turns itself into a pebble. We are given a weight that ruins our life, bears down on our entire being and becomes apart of us. A terrible, ugly, awkward weight. But, the longer we carry this boulder we soon realize it has become a pebble. Always with us, but never apart of us. Always in our pocket but never causing us constant discomfort. Always a reminder but never a defining moment.
To anyone suffering from trauma and currently carrying a boulder; it may feel like you can't go on with this boulder any longer. But you have to keep going and get past the boulder phase in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel; the pebble. Your trauma does not define you and it does not have to weigh on your soul and all that is you forever. Allow yourself time and allow yourself the chance to heal and before you know it you will soon walk through life with nothing but a pebble in your pocket.
