I walked into the room and glanced nervously at the group of people sitting nearby. I smiled warmly at the people when a few turned around to look at me. They smiled back and made me feel a little better. My heart beat a little faster as I walked over to join them. I casually began a conversation with one of the guys, slowly warming up to the new situation. But the one thought that kept popping up in my head was, what do they think of me?
Every day, we face situations in which we’re the center of attention. It can be as big as giving a speech or as small as joining a conversation with people in a classroom. We all face different types of judgment because we are around people most of our lives. And we all confront it differently. Some look the judgment in the face and make a sarcastic remark; others just nervously rant and complain about it. No matter how we confront judgment, we know that it exists because we all acknowledge it.
But why do we notice what people think of us? I’d say it’s because we come into situations with a specific perception which revolves around what other people think of us. To choose to make their judgment of us an issue is to choose to make life about ourselves. But if we have the choice to make life about ourselves, then we also have the choice to take the focus off of ourselves and place it onto others. By this, I mean that we can choose to make our focus on loving the people we are with and making them feel comfortable. It seems like such an obvious fix, but what are the implications?
I would contend that two of the biggest advantages are how you view yourself and others. For starters, you will like yourself better. The less you worry about what other people think of you, the less you tend to criticize yourself. You can form relationships, make mistakes, achieve goals, and observe life without worrying about how each situation makes or breaks your reputation. And when you can like yourself better, it can be easier to like other people. This is the second advantage, that you don’t feel at odds with someone who judges you. In fact, if you consider the root of judgment, it generally comes down to someone else’s insecurity. With this knowledge, you now have the opportunity to exert compassion and to love someone else who needs it. Your example may just influence another human being to love others back. No promises here, but it’s always a possibility.
The last and most exciting implication is that you will have more bravery to jump into new situations. You won’t have to be held back by yours or others skewed perceptions about the world. I think we can all agree when I say that self-centered perceptions can stop you from taking good chances or fully enjoying a new experience. It is only when we begin to think about other people that we can move away from thinking so much about ourselves. And from that point forward, it does not matter how somebody else responds. All in all, we are better off when we are less concerned with their judgment and more concerned with how we can respond in love.
