Cardi B Quits Tour

Dear SJWs, Stay-At-Home Moms Can Be Feminists, Too

Don't claim to be a feminist and then bash Cardi B for staying at home with her daughter instead of going on tour.

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Nowadays, I feel like feminists need to be reminded of what the true definition of feminism is. Yes, it is advocating for equal rights between men and women. And one of those rights is choice. The freedom to choose. Us women have to be more accepting of other women's choices, even if they don't necessarily align with ours.

Okay, so you want to go to law school and become a lawyer before getting married and having kids. The girl next to you may want to get married at 20 and have little kids running around everywhere. Both of these women are allowed to choose what they want to do with their lives.

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The other day, I was talking to my friend and she told me her best friend got married back in June. Her friend was only 20, just two years older than me. What shocked me more was that she just met the guy in January of the same year. I'm not gonna lie, I was disgusted by this girl's reckless decisions, even though I've never met her in my life.

But then, my friend explained to me that the bride wanted to get married and have kids since she was little. She showed me pictures of the wedding and this so-called reckless girl looked so happy in her bright green sari. There wasn't a single picture where the girl wasn't smiling. This 20-year-old girl got the wedding of her dreams. And that was her choice.

At first, I thought this girl had no value in herself. That she was a typical brown girl groomed by a patriarchal society to become a baby machine. It took me a while to realize that she was happy. She is still going to college and working, so she still has aspirations. Her aspirations just happened to include a husband at a young age.

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My own mother stayed at home for most of her life, raising me and my three sisters. And she is one of the strongest women I know. She believes in raising her daughters the same way she would raise a son. Some families would force their daughters to marry as young as possible, but my mom always believed in her daughters getting a proper education and succeeding in their careers before settling down. Just because my mother was a stay-at-home mom doesn't mean she doesn't have value in herself. As a woman, she does whatever she pleases without paying heed to others opinions or comments.

Recently, Cardi B dropped out of Bruno Mars' tour for this fall because she wanted to stay at home with baby Kulture. When she announced this on Instagram, some people threw a virtual fit:


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Instagram

Instagram

So many people, especially other women, are bashing Cardi just because she wants to spend time with her baby daughter. She just isn't mentally prepared to leave baby Kulture behind to go on tour, and that is perfectly fine. It is her choice to prioritize being a mother over her career.

And the same people who are bashing Cardi for her decisions would also put down women like Kim Kardashian for working too much and not caring about her kids.

Moral of the story: women seem to never win. Another moral of the story: women need to stop bringing other women down. We need to support each other and respect each other's choices because that is the definition of a true feminist. Do not judge women for covering their hair, or being a housewife, or marrying at 20. If that is their personal choice and they are happy with it, we are in no place to criticize their decisions and deem them any less of a woman.

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I'm The Girl Who'd Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign

You raise your protest picket signs and I’ll raise my white picket fence.
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Social Media feeds are constantly filled with quotes on women's rights, protests with mobs of women, and an array of cleverly worded picket signs.

Good for them, standing up for their beliefs and opinions. Will I be joining my tight-knit family of the same gender?

Nope, no thank you.

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to be oblivious to my history and the advancements that women have fought to achieve. I am aware that the strides made by many women before me have provided us with voting rights, a voice, equality, and equal pay in the workforce.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Who Would Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign

For that, I am deeply thankful. But at this day in age, I know more female managers in the workforce than male. I know more women in business than men. I know more female students in STEM programs than male students. So what’s with all the hype? We are girl bosses, we can run the world, we don’t need to fight the system anymore.

Please stop.

Because it is insulting to the rest of us girls who are okay with being homemakers, wives, or stay-at-home moms. It's dividing our sisterhood, and it needs to stop.

All these protests and strong statements make us feel like now we HAVE to obtain a power position in our career. It's our rightful duty to our sisters. And if we do not, we are a disappointment to the gender and it makes us look weak.

Weak to the point where I feel ashamed to say to a friend “I want to be a stay at home mom someday.” Then have them look at me like I must have been brain-washed by a man because that can be the only explanation. I'm tired of feeling belittled for being a traditionalist.

Why?

Because why should I feel bad for wanting to create a comfortable home for my future family, cooking for my husband, being a soccer mom, keeping my house tidy? Because honestly, I cannot wait.

I will have no problem taking my future husband’s last name, and following his lead.

The Bible appoints men to be the head of a family, and for wives to submit to their husbands. (This can be interpreted in so many ways, so don't get your panties in a bunch at the word “submit”). God specifically made women to be gentle and caring, and we should not be afraid to embrace that. God created men to be leaders with the strength to carry the weight of a family.

However, in no way does this mean that the roles cannot be flipped. If you want to take on the responsibility, by all means, you go girl. But for me personally? I'm sensitive, I cry during horror movies, I'm afraid of basements and dark rooms. I, in no way, am strong enough to take on the tasks that men have been appointed to. And I'm okay with that.

So please, let me look forward to baking cookies for bake sales and driving a mom car.

And I'll support you in your endeavors and climb to the top of the corporate ladder. It doesn't matter what side you are on as long as we support each other, because we all need some girl power.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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The Problem With Men

The damage of toxic masculinity.

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Toxic masculinity is deeply rooted in stereotypes held for the male population. It's characteristics are a constant outward appearance of being strong mentally and physically, a suppression of emotion, and a violent behavior to assume a presence of power. The problem with men isn't men themselves, but societies reinforcement of these qualities defined as toxic masculinity. Nevertheless, men are still responsible for their actions and should hold themselves accountable.

Toxic masculinity causes problems for everyone, but it is particularly harmful to women. It is a contributing cause to domestic violence, sexual harassment, and rape. The United States has begun to recognize these issues and people have come together to fight them. What becomes overlooked, is the damage toxic masculinity has on men. The constant need to be strong and conceal emotion is extremely harmful to mental health. We cannot all be strong all the time, but that is the societal standard for men. This can be a contributing factor of increased suicide rates and decreased mental health in the male population. The need to prove power through violence could also be a reason for the overwhelming amount of men to women in the prison population. Some examples of the lesser effects of toxic masculinity are the assumptions that boys cannot play with dolls or like princesses, that men cannot wear dresses or skirts, and that men cannot be interested in makeup or clothing. This greatly limits individuality and outer expression for men. Girls have gained the acceptance to play with trucks or like superheroes, women can wear pants, and can be interested in cars or tools. There is still a long way to go for women, but for men, the battle for these simple things has not even been won.

Toxic masculinity stems from the fact that men are still held as superior to women. To show emotion, or to be 'weak', or to do anything that makes them akin to women will undermine their societal superiority. Inequality of the sexes has led to the issue of toxic masculinity and it all comes from prejudice and discrimination against women. To fix toxic masculinity we have to address the issue of perceived inferiority of women. Men cannot get completely better until the problem that births all the rest, is solved.

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