Today a mentor misgendered me
Not in the regular she/hers format,
No,
The,
Women-Like-You-And-I-Need-To-Be-Strong way
I did not correct her
I did not correct her
I did not correct her
In the moment, I did not correct her
After the fact, I did not correct her
With worn heavy misery, I did not correct her
Out of some anti-god shock scapegrace, I did not correct her
In that moment
Would she have considered me
A weak woman
Or an aggressive radical?
Would she have rejected my strength
Because I reject my womanhood?
I cannot help but feel shame
When I think of the women I do not represent
And the identity I fail to represent
A flag of my own I'm still sewing,
Still carefully crafting-
I currently do not wave any fabrics
I do not wave.
I pause in pretended existence
As to convince myself I'm not really there
I did not correct her
I did not correct her
With locked eye contact, I did not correct her
I did not correct her when I knew I was right
Out of fear of some strange social punishment, I did not correct her
I did not correct her,
And I cannot help but feel pain
I don't want consolation from anyone
I know what
you know
what I'm
supposed to know which
I know
And I don't care about the mapping out of a solution
The problem is too young;
If only I could just give it 100 years
To live in the solutions future generations will carve out
But for now, all is strange
Words are fire
Ears are dumb
I'm a silent storm
In the dawn of women's strength,
I live, hide, survive in the shadows
She tests her newfound might,
Still figuring the measures of her power,
So I anxiously prepare for mental blows
That I cannot help but feel
I feel in ways that transcend Title IX
Who can save me from vulnerability?
I'm lucky it's only vulnerability
Though, the surplus of such
Takes curious tolls
As the social stigma remains,
The moral issue remains
The feeling remains
The remains are feelings
And I cannot help but feel
