Being known as the honest friend is something I thrive off of. I don't beat around the bush nor am I caught up in being diplomatic. If you ask my opinion, you will get my 100% genuine opinion.
I often am told that people love that about me, how utterly genuine I am. Some even say they thrive off of the no BS attitude. But let me tell you an honest truth: that statement is BS and there are few people who can really handle the truth.
People don't like being called out on their shortcomings, it's as simple as that. I am no foreigner to that. No one likes to be told they don't look stunning in a dress, or that the reason they're stressed is their fault, or that you think their idea lacks logic or is unrealistic, or that the reason they're broke is that they haven't gone to work in two weeks and keep eating out. As you were reading that statement, I am sure that some part of you felt "attacked."
I don't say this to be malicious or to try to point out everyone's fault but my own. I just say this because we are in college and at some-point-or-another all of us have spent money when we should have saved, overcommitted, or try on an outfit we fell in love with but didn't look good on us. It. Is. Just. A. Fact. Why do most of us get offended at this?
We love to call people out, but we hate being called out. My name is Shamin. I overspend on the sale rack, overcommit, get salty when people don't appreciate my time and efforts and have a personal issue with people who aren't honest. Those are my flaws. Acknowledging these flaws makes it easier for me to be honest with myself. I am not in denial about any of my flaws. I am upfront with my flaws, and that is why I have no problem with people calling me out on my flaws.
You cannot ask for honesty until you truly acknowledge your flaws. I mean, I guess technically you could, but when you receive it, you'll be vexed and put out that your friend didn't empathize with your situation or issue. But here it is: I will not empathize with those who dig themselves in their own whole and refuse to acknowledge that they dug their own hole.
However, if you dig your own hole, but are willing to admit that you messed up and dug it yourself, I will empathize because we are in college. Stuff happens. You'll think that you can manage class from 9-3pm, work from 3-9pm, go to the gym, make dinner, and do your Physics homework- been there tried that.
My problem isn't with people who can genuinely admit their flaws and want sympathy. My grievance is with those who cannot bring it in themselves to man-up to their flaws. If you don't value money because it has never been a real issue, that is fine- OWN. UP. TO. IT. I have no desire for people to go through hardships so they can "learn" from them.
No, what I want is for people to be honest with themselves before they ask for others' honesty. Because all this does is make you unreceptive to a truth you may not want to hear and put the person that gave you the honesty in a hard place. They'll feel like they hurt you or made to feel like they didn't support you. When you and I both know that wasn't the case.
Being the honest friend isn't always fun, nor is it very easy. There are numerous times where I have felt as if I was being a bad friend because I did simply call my friends out. But this isn't the case. I love my friends, and they know it. However, sometimes you do need tough love because sometimes you do simply need to get it together. There's not always a point in coddling someone, heck, even our moms call us out after wallowing for a few minutes.
So this is my PSA to all those out there wanting honesty: if you want honesty, make sure you're really ready. And if you do go to your designated "honest friend" don't make them the bad guy or act like they aren't being supportive. Because for the fifth time Lucy, no you don't need to text your ex.