I'm a fixer. I think I tend to notice when something is wrong, and it's my tendency to immediately try to do something about it. I like to think I simply want the best for people, but perhaps it's my unhealthy desire to control every aspect of my life. That could be my biggest flaw or my best character quality, depending on the perspective. I certainly don't think I'm some perfectly empathetic, wisdom-filled man with all the answers, nor do I want to think that I'm an autocrat. Even so, I've found it necessary to accept that a great number of things are uncontrollable.

Here is the reality of it all: I have wasted way too much time trying to help people who are obviously not ready to accept it, and I usually have no clue if there's anything meaningful I can do in the first place. I'm finally starting to learn that no matter how good I think my intentions are, all they are ever going to be are intentions.

It's difficult to stand by and watch people self-destruct without realizing it. Telling them what you're seeing is a futile effort—it's just the way people operate. Not a single person wants to admit that they're having any kind of doubt, struggle, or anxiety. Our innate view as people is that we have a great handle on ourselves, when realistically so many of us do not. I imagine that some people trick themselves into thinking they're happy in their current situation because they gave up on the prospect of change.

I’m sure that countless “fixers” have relentlessly tried to change a friend or family member that they felt needed it. Whether is was by encouraging different habits, bluntly telling them what to do, or by asking them to “open up” (which, in my opinion, is completely cliche and useless), I doubt there was ever a lasting effect. It’s not that we are fixers because we dislike people who don't live up to our biased personal standard; it’s because we only want the best things possible for them. Even so, it's nearly impossible to help people who aren’t seeking it, and that’s perfectly fine.

Instead of focusing on fixing, divert that energy into an attitude of acceptance. Make the inevitable decision to either stay and watch the destruction or leave, so the burden no longer feels like it’s partly yours. There is reconciliation in both; before leaving, will you still let them know that you'll be available if they need you in the end? If you stay, then don't stay for the "I told you so," attitude that might come so easily. Instead, stay for the "I support you while you take responsibility for your actions." These are the only two options.

There isn't always going to be a direct solution, and constantly trying to find one is not going to change anything. Instead, carry the faith that everything will eventually work out the way it's meant to. Stop fixing, and simply start being there for people.