This week, let’s talk about something a little bit more interesting: music. We all love music, right? Even though I’ve always loved getting mad at the Ed Sheerans and the Beyoncés and the Fetty Waps of the world, 2015 was kind of a weird year for me. Last year was when some of my favorite songs came from The Weeknd, Carly Rae Jepsen, and Demi Lovato…I never claimed to be a role model, guys. But, of course, we won’t be talking about the good music today. Now we’re going to talk about the sellouts, the disasters, the shark jumpers. #excited.
First though, let’s take the concept of shark jumping and apply it to TV. A show “jumps the shark” when it has a moment so ridiculous that the quality of the show suffers as a result, like Brian dying on Family Guy, or the series finale of How I Met Your Mother. We love laughing at those moments, but we also know that some shows can be redeemed, like how Friday Night Lights (my all-time favorite show) recovered from the disaster that was season two. But can the same be said for music?
Well, if we look at Taylor Swift, I’d say that the chances of her going back to country are dim. She jumped the shark when she released Shake It Off, which is, in my opinion, a complete and utter train wreck of a song. An artist that once spoke to the fragility and innocence of teenagers was now rapping about her ex-man’s new girlfriend being like “oh my God.” It only got worse and worse, with her writing horrible break up song after horrible break up song, hoping that we’d care about every single relationship she ends. Her ongoing war with Spotify also rages on, because apparently she wasn’t being paid enough to buy that third private jet she always wanted and, of course, let’s not forget how bad Bad Blood is.
Another one of my favorite musical punching bags is Maroon 5, who jumped the shark with Moves Like Jagger, a song that, despite what its title suggests, has nothing to do with the Rolling Stones. This effectively makes it the Rock Me Amadeus of the 2010's, except even Falco knew enough to add a few references to Mozart instead of just acknowledging he existed! Maroon 5 followed up Jagger with angry sex jams like One More Time and now became the epitome of generic with Sugar. I expected so much more from what started off as a pretty solid pop rock band and became basically an older version of One Direction.
But, of course, how could we ignore the queen of shark jumps? An artist that was the definitive pop star of the 80's, the definitive sex god of the 90's, the musical inspiration of the 2000's and, unfortunately, the biggest sell-out of the 2010's. We can’t have a discussion on what it means to jump the shark without discussing Madonna’s horrible flop of a last album, MDNA. After proving she could be a genre shape-shifter with her Justin Timberlake-produced Hard Candy album, the queen of pop followed up with a Nicki Minaj/MIA team up at the Super Bowl halftime show so awkward that it actually topped Chris Martin singing “It’s a beautiful day, purple rain, purple rain.” After releasing MDNA, Madonna proved that she was everything her critics always thought she was: desperate, old, tired, and trying too hard to shock. The material girl went on hiatus for the next few years, hopefully working on a better album.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I absolutely ADORE Madonna. As far as pop music goes, I have never seen an artist dominate the industry as well as she did. Did Madonna, Taylor, and Maroon 5 jump the shark? Yeah, big time. But can they come back? Well, anything is possible, we’ll just have to see. If Demi Lovato can win me over with Cool for the Summer, I guess anyone can be redeemed. Let’s just hope for the best.
