In high school, there was a mandatory program in the auditorium we had to go to called, "Can I Kiss You?" The speaker was adamant about ensuring that all people — couples, people on dates, strangers — ask before kissing someone else. I won't lie, I thought it was a load of crap. I thought, "asking someone before the kiss totally ruins the mood. I would hate if someone did that to me." It wasn't until later, when I had been kissed at a time when that was the last thing I wanted, that I really took what the speaker said to heart.
I was talking to a someone, and displaying multiple signs of discomfort through my speech and my body language. I kept backing up but it seemed like he was being pulled to me, almost like a magnet. I was so uncomfortable. I kept avoiding eye contact and pulling away, but he didn't get the message, and grabbed my hands and kissed me. I was frozen from shock. As soon as he left, I immediately broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably, because I didn't want to be kissed, and I didn't get the chance to directly convey that verbally because I was never given the chance. As a socially awkward and anxious person, that was one of the worst situations I could have been in.
And it could have been easily changed by that person asking one question:
"Can I kiss you?"
Asking that simple question won't ruin the mood. In fact, it will improve the mood, for me at least. I will know that the person I'm with respects and cares for me, and that will make me feel comfortable and more prone to want to kiss someone (if I didn't want to already.) On the flip side, if I didn't want to kiss, we could swiftly move past the situation and carry on with whatever we were doing, and I would feel at ease knowing that both parties know where I am.
This all, of course, goes the other way as well. Because I know how it feels to be kissed without permission, I want to do my best to ensure no one feels that way due to my not asking. And I won't care if the other person laughs the question off or if that person says I ruined the mood, because at least I'll know where we both stand, and will know that we both want what I want.
Looking back at it, I'm really thankful that speaker came to my high school. Without him, I don't know if I would have ever considered asking if I could kiss someone, and I definitely wouldn't have known how important verbal consent for something as simple as kissing could be. Sometimes, when someone is caught up in the moment, he or she might not notice the body language of the other person, and the best way to avoid anyone feeling uncomfortable or forced into something, is to just ask, "can I kiss you?"
