I’m torn. I know I don’t stand alone when I can’t decide whether to ignore the issues being hotly debated right in front of me on every social platform conceivable and try to only spread love, or to add my voice into the tumult. In the end I can usually convince myself that the argument isn’t worth it, that it never will be and that people need love more than anything. But sometimes I succumb to the pressure to pick a side, to pursue the argument relentlessly, to fact-check, source-check and morality-check any person who would dare to disagree with me. And whichever side I fall on, the hateful arguing is not the answer.
Each time I end up in an argument (in which nothing is ever solved and both parties leave feeling unheard and and angry) I regret it. Immediately after the heat of the moment is past and my emotions are once again under control, I begin to think through the words that were said and try to empathize with the person on the other side of the debate. Each time it becomes clear that our methods, though completely different and terrifying to each other, are to be used for the same goals.
We all want to be safe.
We all want to be heard.
We all want what is best for ourselves and the people we love.
In moments after crises, fear is rampant. Fear shows itself in terribly, ugly, “this is the side of me that you don’t want to mess with” ways. Fear makes us unable to empathize or understand any person whose opinion differs from ours. Fear makes it impossible for us to be civil. Fear keeps us from making progress, it builds walls and it divides. Love can conquer that fear. Love can give us progress and break down barriers and bring us together.
If the violence that occasionally jars us awake is a “human problem,” let’s work on solutions for that problem. Surrounding all of us are broken, hurting people and we can help stop violence and hatred, even if only in small ways, by showing real love to them.
It's not difficult to show love or to help. Volunteer at a shelter, make dinner for your family, buy coffee for the person in line behind you. In a world that pressures you to be completely self-involved, fight back. Give some part of yourself to someone who needs it. That's love. That will change the world.
Marianne Wilson said, “The way of the miracle-worker is to see all human behavior as one of two things: either love, or a call for love.”
If we do this, we will never see a combatant opponent, furiously typing with a singular goal of cutting us down for our most dearly held beliefs. Instead, we will empathize. We will understand that this person needs love. Just like we need love. This person needs to feel heard and understood, just like we do. If we try to love and if we try to empathize with one another across the completely ridiculous bilateral lines our world (and arguing) has created, it may be possible for different outcome than hurt feelings on both sides.
Let’s be miracle-workers.
Let’s love.
