I am weeks away from my transition to college, and my head won’t stop reeling. I have been thinking a lot about how we are all living, breathing accumulations of our experiences, and how our downfalls and successes, the tears shed and belly laughs shared make us who we are. I am incredibly grateful for where I am now, but when I think back on my journey, I can’t help but feel for that insecure 12-year-old plagued with self-doubt and dying to fit in. Middle school was a cringe fest for me as it is for many people, and while it wasn’t all bad, each year brought different challenges and new hues of embarrassment. I can’t help but think that if I knew then what I know now, how much happier I would have been. I know that I can’t change the past, but I can share what I have learned with others; this is what I would tell my middle school self if I had the chance.

Stop worrying about your weight.

You are not built to look like the stars on Disney channel, and that’s OK. Despite what everything the world around you is advertising, there is more than one way to be beautiful. There is so much more to you than a number on a scale. Stop comparing yourself to your classmates and focus on cultivating things that bring you joy like writing and performing, you will be much better off in the long run. When your weight changes, people will make comments that will mess with your head. Don’t listen to them, you are beautiful and you have value at every size.

Stop worrying about your social status, don’t waste your energy trying to become “popular.”

A group of girls will emerge seemingly out of thin air, and everyone will refer to them as “popular,” you will become enamored with the idea of popularity because of what you have seen on TV and read about in books and you will chase after it. Don’t waste your energy. In this futile chase you will only end up lonelier and more isolated than before. It may be hard for you to comprehend now, but popularity is not real, merely a tool your classmates will use to categorize and pigeonhole groups of people. Don’t buy into it, trust me, you will be so much happier. Chasing after popularity is as useless as trying to capture smoke with your bare hands. And nothing, not even a dumb construct, is worth the warmth and security of real, genuine friendships.

Validation has to come from within.

There will be times where you won’t feel smart enough or pretty enough, in these times don’t look to other people for validation. Insecurity is normal, I still get insecure tons of things (am I funny enough? Does my arm look fat in this dress? Will I be able to hold my own in college?), but what I have learned is that when you’re insecure and look for other people to reassure you it only makes things worse. Insecurity is like a black hole you can only fill yourself with care and self-love; every time you look for another person to fill that hole it expands and your work becomes harder. A hundred people could tell you that you’re beautiful or funny or intelligent, and that’s OK, but you will only begin to believe it when you say it to yourself.

Don’t let anyone belittle your intelligence.

There will be a time when you will raise your hand in history class and make a point, and the boys behind you will respond by whispering “she’s so stupid” just loud enough so you can hear it. If you let it, the pain and embarrassment of this one moment will stick with you for years and set you down a path of self-doubt. Your grades will drop and you will begin to believe it. I am here to tell you not to let anyone belittle your intelligence. The remarks of the boys in your class have much more to do with their own insecurities than your intellect. You are brilliant, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise especially prepubescent boys.

Embrace your differences

You're a huge weirdo, and that's OK. Embrace it, girlfriend! Stop trying to conform, and let your freak flag fly!

Go to school.

I cannot stress this enough. In the eighth grade, you will discover the allure of the “sick day.” Your inspiration, the one and only Ferris Bueller, will guide you down a path of self-destruction. Don’t let that happen. Instead, face your fears, go to school and take the test you’ve been dreading. The alternative, avoiding your responsibilities in a haze of "My Wife and Kids" reruns, only prolongs the inevitable, creating a vicious cycle of work and avoidance. Your teachers will end up hating you and a rumor will circulate that you have will be held back because of your absences. I know it sucks, but go to school.

Be on Time

I know you live hella far away, but if you constantly arrive late you will be added to the principal’s watch list, and your mom will receive a number of distressing phone calls. Save your mom the headache, get to school on time.

Don’t waste your time on middle school boys, also Cody Simpson will never love you back.

You will feel pressure from your friends to have a crush on a boy at all times, but I’m gonna let you in on a little secret it’s OK not to like like anyone. Also, if you don’t get asked to slow dance at a bar mitzvah, it’s not the end of the world, seriously, it isn’t.

And please, please for the love of God, stop buying Juicy Couture jumpsuits!!!