But He Doesn't Hit You

But He Doesn't Hit You

Abuse is not merely physical. Sometimes it looks like this.

I think often times people forget that abuse is not merely physical. Abuse does not always mean being thrown down the stairs or having a black eye. Of course it can mean these things, but many times abuse comes in a very different form. Abuse sometimes looks like this, and can sound like, "but he doesn't hit me."

He convinces you to stay in from girls' night because they just "look like trouble" and you don't need them anymore anyway, but he doesn't hit you.

He scolds you for wearing a top that is "too low" and demands you change before you leave the house, but he doesn't hit you.

He tracks your location and shows up unannounced just to "check in," but he doesn't hit you.

He often says that you're stupid or ignorant, when you have an opinion contrary to his, but he doesn't hit you.

He isolates you from your friends and family; he says it's because he loves you and wants you all to himself, but he doesn't hit you.

When you confront him about the sketchy texts you've noticed on his phone, he calls you a psycho and says that you're "oversensitive," but he doesn't hit you.

He stays out all hours of the night, but must know where you are at all times or he goes ballistic; but he doesn't hit you.

He learns your deepest darkest secrets and then holds them against you when you finally have the guts to leave, but he doesn't hit you.

When he gets mad, he calls you a whore, and says that no other man would ever want you, but he doesn't hit you.

When he gets angry you actually start to shake, because you know his words cut like a knife; he may throw things or storm out in a rage, but he doesn't hit you.

You walk on eggshells with everything you say and do, just trying to make him happy everyday; but he doesn't hit you.

When he comes in after a night of belittling and rage with a bouquet of flowers and another empty promise, you take him back... because after all, he doesn't hit you.

Abuse is a cycle. Many feel trapped, helpless and afraid to face the reality of their relationship. Many stay because they feel like they have to. It is shown that emotional abuse can lead to very serious things such as PTSD and long term anxiety and depression. Many of the scenarios listed above can be disguised as "love" and "overprotectiveness," but they are not. The scenarios above are all signs of emotional abuse. There is always a way out. There is always happier times ahead with people that respect and value you. Please do not let someone treat you this way.

Abuse is not just physical.

Cover Image Credit: WordPress

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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Poetry On The Odyssey: It's a Girl

An ode to the little girl raised to be insecure.


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