Dear You,
You know who you are. This article is an apology to you. No, you're not just one person. You're all of them. No, you can't be pinpointed in a crowded room. You are the crowded room. No, you can't tell others your name because you don't have one. I'm apologizing because I know that no matter how hard you try, you can't love me.
I'm sorry you can't love me because I prefer to wake up early in the morning and get breakfast started on my own, instead of waiting around for you. I'm sorry you can't love me because I work just as hard and get paid "just a little bit" less than you do. I'm sorry you can't love me because when I cry, I don't do it in front of you. That's right, even girls hide their tears sometimes. I'm sorry you can't love me because I bite back, because I'm a fire beneath thousands of pounds of coal and every time you hurl an insult you're just one layer closer to falling headfirst into lava.
I'm sorry I'm not timid; the kind of girl who is beautiful and delicate at the same time with watery eyes and only good in her heart. Trust me, sometimes I wish I could be her. The kind of girl who's cheek you could caress and she would feel only joy, in that moment, not all of this pain. That she focuses on your soft skin, not the callouses on your knuckles and the dirt underneath your fingernails. I'm sorry you can't love me because I love being alone; I love it so much that sometimes I go out of my way and run from everyone who's ever claimed they love me. I'm sorry you can't love me because I love books more than talking, eating more than dancing, because I'd rather learn three new languages in a day than take a spa trip with you.
I'm sorry that I thirst for knowledge, I really am. That everyday I wake up with this hunger, not for you, not for him, for no one, but the books and the world around me. I'm sorry you can't love me because even though I try so hard to be so good and so loving, sometimes I'm the asshole who says seriously mean things. I'm sorry you can't love me because it's hard to keep up and I mean, really hard to keep up sometimes. Because my thoughts are like shooting stars in the galaxy that is my brain; they shoot upwards and collide into each other, the stronger one destroying all. They zoom in and out and over and over and I have no choice but to bend to their will.
I'm sorry you can't love me because I'm adventurous; because I'd rather get a better or equal paying job as you rather than be at home with the kids. Because I don't believe in the existence of love most of the time, but thank you for reminding me that sometimes even my mind needs to learn how to believe in good things. I'm sorry you can't love me because right now, I'm trying to figure out how to love myself.
And you can't blame me for that.
