What is ghosting? According to Urban Dictionary, ghosting is “the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just 'get the hint' and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested” or “the act of disappearing on your friends with little or no notice.” We’ve all ghosted at some point or another. We’ve stopped texting back a cute classmate or lost touch with friends we swore we’d always keep up with.
Sometimes ghosting is accidental, but more often than not, it’s intentional. But why? Why would we want to fade out of a relationship rather than face the end head on? If we truly want to end a relationship, why not just be honest with that person? I tend to believe that we’ve taken to ghosting because we don’t want to hurt the other person. We think that being forthright and saying that we no longer wish to be in contact with someone will be far more hurtful than gradually disappearing. Either way, the relationship ends. It’s going to be emotional and painful because no one wants to learn that someone doesn’t want to have a relationship with them anymore.
Modern dating culture would justify ghosting by arguing that direct break-ups are intense and painful whereas ghosting is a gradual let down. However, I would disagree. Ghosting hurts so much more for one simple reason: You never get answers or closure. When the relationship is ended directly, the issues that caused the fallout are usually laid out on the table for one to examine, come to terms with and maybe eventually fix. But when relationships end by ghosting, answers are rarely, if ever, given.
Ghosting occurs silently and without our knowledge. One moment things are seemingly fine, then, without warning, the relationship is gone with only a wisp of smoke and some hazy memories left in its place. There is no explanation, no fight and no chance of fixing the relationship because suddenly the other person has seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. And that disappearing act hurts. It leaves so many questions — Was I not good enough? Where did I screw up? How could I have saved this? — unanswered, left to plague the ghostee’s mind. It leaves insecurity and doubt to fester until they become unbearable.
While ghosting may be easier and less painful for the one who leaves, it is undoubtedly more painful for the one left behind. So why do we ghost? While I don’t have a sure answer for this, I can take a few guesses. We ghost because it’s easy, because we can come off guilt-free, or so we don’t have to explain ourselves or our feelings. These aren’t great reasons to ghost someone, but they’re the reasons that make sense at the time.
We’ve all been ghosted at some point or another and can all admit that it didn’t feel too good to be on the receiving end of the fade out. I know that ghosting isn’t going to go away because we’re flawed human beings who sometimes lose the courage to give relationships the end they deserve. But maybe the next time we’re looking to pretend we’re Casper, we should remember that we’re humans and that friendly ghosts don’t ghost at all.
