We all are born with families, but sometimes our families are not the ones we need. I have met and been with a lot of people who think the sole definition of the entire affair is the people in whom you are related to by blood or by marriage. This definition concerns me, because family is not singularly the people who you share DNA with, and I have come to learn in my life that family is not just those people, but people in which we share a deep and intimate bond with, who help us grow and shape us in ways that remain with us for our entire lives. It is a group of people with whom share a bond of love, trust, concern, look out for each other, and take care of each other. This is my definition of family. I have a very large family in my opinion, not just by biological means, but by the bonds I have created and the intimate trust and care I have been given as well as gave to people. I even regard my old babysitter, her husband, and her children as my family; because beyond a bond of DNA, we shared a formative experience that does not go away no matter the distance or years.

Recently I acquired a new family, they are the people I work with on a daily basis who trust, love, respect, and care for me, just as I do for them. You see, walking into this new job I gained over the summer, I didn’t expect to walk out of it with eight new sisters, but alas, here we are. My family eats together, voices their concerns, takes care of each other, works towards a common goal of trust and communication, they do not tear each other down in order to get ahead, they make sure that everyone is taken care of, and contributes to our mutual goal of being the best we can be. When the shift is over, we don’t go home and stop sharing the experiences, we continue our bond and communication outside of work, and we keep getting better every day. I feel the immense need to protect them, to put aside my own fears and take care of them. Each day I grow closer to them, and they are currently sharing an experience with me that I don’t think I could share with anyone else: they are watching me transform into the man I have always been with incredible love and support as well as their own protective nature to make sure I am safe and comfortable. They defend me and accept me in a time where I have needed love and support most. It would be blasphemy to not talk about my family because they have been my backbone and my drive, my support system, and have all expressed their genuine concerns for my well being. Some days we can get annoyed with each other, and there are certainly days where we can’t even express the amount of agony we all go through together, but this experience of family has all been so incredibly important to me.

My definition of family is hard to explain, but I add people to the ever-growing list every day. My loyalty and bond that I create with these people that I interact with and the support and love I gain from them becomes my reason for being, and a source of my happiness. My need to take care of people and share with people is no longer a need, but a satisfying part of my daily routine. Blood family sometimes cannot fulfill those needs, we all have those blood-bonds, but sometimes they hurt more than they are helpful, and despite our love for those people anyway, we have the option to have what I call a “build-a-family.” Yes, that is a riff on "Build-A-Bear," but we really can take the people that mean most in our lives, and we can attach the word family to them without needing to explain, and we can love, support, and protect them and that is okay. Sometimes, the word friendship cannot define the relationships like these, because friendships can fade away, but acknowledging these bonds and truly committing to them is what gives me the reason to add people to my family. They are the people who come into your life and just make sense to be there, because they just fit.

I don’t believe that the by-laws of what makes someone family are so narrow as the definition of it may provide. I sometimes get “well they are divorced, so they are no longer part of your family.” “She was just your babysitter, why do you call her mom? Why do you call her daughters your sisters?” “They’re your co-workers/friends why isn’t that enough?” I suppose those are all very valid things to say, but our families that we can create can truly add new life to the entire word. I don’t know my great aunt Sally all that well, and yes, we are family, but here are the people who aren’t even related to me, who have left an enormous impact on my life, who have formed me as a human, who have taken me in as one of their own, who have offered me love and support when my “family” has not. These people have taken the broken parts of me, and offered nothing but love and support, and will always answer if I call. My family doesn’t stop at the proverbial and rigid definition because there are people outside of those basic biological bonds that have watched me grow, have offered me love and guidence, who have left their mark on my being, and that is something that I truly believe is what makes a family a family. I don’t care if my stepmom and dad got divorced, she is still my stepmom, my sister is still my sister, my niece of still my niece. Her family is still my family, they are kind enough to continue to invite me to family parties. I don’t care that she hasn’t been my “babysitter” since I was 12, she still put me down for naps, fed me, changed me, gave me lessons, treated me as her own, I still grew up with her children, and I still look to her husband as my father, especially at a time when I needed a father figure because mine did not seem to want me. You see, these papers are just papers, and blood is just blood, we all have paper, we all have blood that runs through our veins, and we are all deeply connected with each other on levels that some people cannot understand. I don’t care that she’s just my friend, I share everything with her, and to her son, I am Uncle Beck. I don’t care that I just met my “co-workers” 15 weeks ago, so much has happened and changed for me in those 15 weeks that I cannot imagine not supporting them and protecting them the best I can, when I have spent the majority of the summer telling them every ten minutes that I love each and every single one of them. These bonds don’t just fade away, and the judgement about the people I consider my family are ridiculous because who are you to judge my amazing, wonderful, diverse, supportive, and overall superb people who have given me more than anything that I could have ever asked for in terms of the things I needed from my own flesh and blood?

This is 2017, families are so complex and diverse, so please, don’t judge mine. Every aspect of my being, of my growth, of my foundation that I am building the house of my life on comes from my family, and yes, I have an abstract view of the term, but definitions change all the time, and I will not let another person demean the attachment I share with those who are not my “blood” because they cannot see past the restricted definition that they chose to believe. Sometimes, the love and support we need most, comes from these unexpected people who, in turn, become the very infrastructure of our entire being.