I’ve always considered my dorm room to be a safe haven. Whenever I come home from a long day at school, I think about how lucky I am to have a cute room all to myself in the greatest city in the world. I’ve dreamed of living in New York City since I was young, and my dorm, albeit small and drafty, has truly felt like a home away from home for me. However, all that changed last week when I was faced with some unexpected guests: cockroaches.
Why these cockroaches have chosen to cohabitate with me, I have no idea. God knows I never have any groceries or dirty dishes in my room because that would mean that I knew how to prepare food for myself, and my constant dehydration would indicate the lack of a water source. While I’m by no means the most organized person in the world, I pride myself on the cleanliness of my messes. I have no idea what is attracting these critters, but I have some theories.
Perhaps these insects can sense the loneliness I’ve felt my whole life as a result of being an only child, and have decided to keep me company. Or they have noticed my newfound regular sleep schedule and decided to pull a harmless prank on me by appearing just when I’m about to fall asleep. Maybe these roaches have heard that I was undefeated in hide and seek in elementary school and they’re trying to give me a run for my money?
No matter the reason, these little critters have deemed my room worthy of their presence, and I now feel like an unwilling “Fear Factor” contestant who wouldn’t make it past the first week of challenges.
Upon seeing a large, ugly, hissing roach for the first time, I reacted pretty well if I do say so myself. When I moved into the dorm, I figured that I would encounter at least one type of pest, whether it be a roach or a mouse. I always pictured myself screaming or crying, like most movie characters, but instead my fight or flight instincts kicked in as soon as I saw the bastard crawl across my room. I quickly adapted to the role of bug slayer as my initial fear morphed into anger. I may have actually whispered “You’re going to die today” before whacking it to death an unnecessary amount of times with my shoe, but it’s all a blur. I then proceeded to cry, but at least I had finished the job, a fact that filled me with a strange sense of pride. I was hoping that would be my only interaction with the bugs, but unfortunately, that was not the case.
It was midnight when I saw that first roach, and after slaughtering it, I immediately texted a great friend and begged her to go to CVS with me. Sensing my fear, possibly from my excessive use of the crying emoji, she agreed and accompanied me to pick out some traps. The instructions said to put down 3 to 6 traps, so naturally I put down 18 and stayed alert the rest of the night with my blue high heel (my weapon of choice) next to my bed, listening intently for the trademark hissing that haunted my memory.
In my expert opinion regarding roach traps, the situation gets worse before it can get better. The day after I laid down the traps, I saw 4 live roaches, a big jump after surviving my first semester without even seeing one! Contrary to what I expected, it did not get any easier to hunt the bugs. During each sighting, I had a mini-crisis as I pelted shoes at my wall while hiding under my covers. I know that my reactions may seem dramatic, but have I mentioned that they HISS?
I must admit that I’m pretty lucky that the biggest nuisance in my life right now is a 1 ½ inch creature that is completely harmless despite being aesthetically repugnant. I have friends with roommates that are WAY more problematic than my current ones. Hopefully, my excess of traps will work and I will soon be able to sleep without the lights on once again. For now, I will relish in my small victories. For example, one day I successfully killed two cockroaches in 5 minutes without shedding a single tear! In fact, I felt kind of powerful in a sick way. I’ve also been initiating more plans with my friends in an attempt to get out of my room. A silver lining might be that the roaches are helping my confidence and my social life.
Thankfully, as of now, I haven’t seen any bugs in 4 days. I’ve begun to relax a bit more, and I think my traps are finally doing their job. I’m knocking on wood that this trend continues, but not too hard because that might awaken the termites.
