Hello. My name is Erikka, and I am a budding alcoholic... Wait, that can't be right. I'm a twenty-four year-old college student. Drinking is a normal part of the atmosphere that I currently live in. College kids are known for binge drinking and socializing. That's not a problem; it's just how things are, right? I'm going to retract my statement and jump on the "I'm just a social drinker" bandwagon.

Now, I was always under the impression that being a social drinker meant that you drink in social situations, and that was basically the extent of the definition. I figured that's why seemingly everyone called themselves a social drinker. I used to snicker when someone would say, "Well, I only drink socially." What was the alternative? Sitting at home alone and drinking? As an adult I realize that drinking alone is a very real possibility, and not as out-of-the-ordinary as I originally thought. I've also come to realize that "drinking socially" does not just mean drinking with other people. Alcoholrehab defines a social drinker as one who:

* Only drinks occasionally.
* Does not feel the need to drink alcohol in order to have a good time.
* Never gets into trouble because of alcohol.
* Doesn't do or say things they'll regret while drinking.
* Does not spend a lot of time thinking about alcohol.
* Feels no need to control their intake, as such individuals never drink enough to worry about having to cut back.

So, basically most college students don't fall into the "just a social drinker" category. I've heard many stories (and been the subject of many stories) of drunken shenanigans and regret. It just seems to be a thing that happens. Most of us don't consciously think that we need alcohol to have fun, but it seems to wiggle its way into our nights anyways.

Unfortunately, I've come to the point that I do feel like I need alcohol to have fun. Actually, let me rephrase that: I need alcohol for other people to have fun around me. I can enjoy a night sober, although I am ridden with anxiety around people I'm unfamiliar with. The alcohol helps calm my nerves, causing me to socialize more, and of course part of me drinks for that effect. Mainly though, I drink because I don't feel like I'm interesting enough sober -- that people won't and don't enjoy my company sober. Being a natural introvert, alcohol is the only easily-accessible tool I have to make friends. I have literally been told, "I like you better when you drink," and I've been told that by more than one person. If you think about it, that's a really, really, crappy thing to say to someone. It's ingrained in me -- if you want people to like you, get drunk.

I am definitely considered a "shot girl." I refuse to drink beer. I'm not fond of mixed drinks, besides the occasional margarita and whiskey sour. I prefer shots of whiskey, rum, or tequila, and that can get dangerous quickly. Luckily I've never landed myself in the hospital, and I only have one instance of immense regret due to alcohol. I have gotten very sick, and blacking out became a regular thing when I would go out. I would just get wrapped up in the momentum of the night. The drunker I got, the more my friends seemed to laugh, and I didn't want it to end. Drinking makes me happy, but because of that I feel worthless without it.

Last semester I came to the conclusion that I am a "budding alcoholic". It started as a joke -- "Haha, I drink too much, but not really." "Look at me, I'm going to be an alcoholic when I grow up!" That's definitely not something that should be taken lightly, and this semester I have worked towards fixing my problems. I don't go out nearly as much. I've limited myself to one bottle of liquor in my freezer at a time. I have yet to black out in 2016. The first step is admitting you have a problem...

Hello. My name is Erikka, and I am a budding alcoholic.