On February 4, 2016, I lost someone near to my heart to Sarcoma. I did not know how to take the loss and how to grieve. He made a difference in many people's lives. He always had such an optimistic look on life no matter what the situation was. Today, I just miss Mr. Budai.
It can be difficult to accept that something is wrong, and sometimes all we need is time. Life is often rushed and especially, as students, we tend to overlook many things in a constant race against time. We like to think that temporary fixes are our best friends. Pulling an all-nighter to study for an exam, not adopting healthy eating habits, having fully loaded days consisting of work, study, class and repeat are just a few examples of why many of us are so overwhelmed. Now throw maintaining friendships, having a significant other, and keeping up with your family into the mix. It is a lot.
Continuing to tell yourself that everything is okay and that everything will be fine is not healthy. Accepting that you are not okay is. I would go running to Mr. Budai to share good news as well as bad news when I freaked out about things. Having a Type A personality, I worried about everything and if something was not going the way I planned for it then it was the end of the world. Trying to balance the "perfect" student, daughter, friend, athlete, etc image was overwhelming. I sit here today still remembering the things he would say to reassure me that even if for the time being I was not okay, I would be. I just needed to pause and acknowledge the fact that I am not okay and that I need a break. I was not defined by my class rank, my GPA, my test scores. I am defined by who I am as a person, how I treat others, and how strong I am, starting with being able to recognize my weaknesses.
He taught me how to deal with stress. He taught me talking about my problems is okay. Recognizing and taking a day to wind down, take a break, and relax is okay. He taught me self-worth.
His favorite song to listen to during his treatment was Rachel Platten's, "Fight Song". We are all just "small boats on the ocean." And when we heard the news on February 4th, I felt sick to my stomach. I honestly didn't believe it at first, and it still seems unreal. Mr. Budai was my high school guidance counselor and he was an amazing man. I truly had the privilege of knowing someone so kind-hearted and caring. Mr. Budai was always there for me when I needed him. He went out of his way to help his students and he really did not deserve this. He is someone who is very special and close to my heart and it surprising how God can call up anyone he wishes. But he left a tremendous amount of happiness and positivity in the community and in the lives of all of his students.
