This poem is dedicated to my biological mother, who has ultimately shown me that family is not just blood-related. It's those who have been there to hold you when you're flying, to watch when you succeed, to give you praise, to catch you when you fall, and to love endlessly.

It started at age 3-

I didn't need to fight the burden of you leaving

Age 6-

I didn't need to look to the sidelines and wonder if you'd magically show

Age 9-

I didn't need to fight or look for you because I got adopted by a new mom

Age 14-

I didn't need to be hospitalized- I was only trying to kill what was on the inside of me

Age 15-16-

is a blur, Mom

I know that you needed yourself more than you needed anyone else so I will forgive you with my rage-fueled, broken heart.

However, I'm begging you to stop, Mom,

stop making me suffer-

I don't need to.

Not only

have you destroyed,

manipulated,

and twisted

the faith I put into you, Mom,

but you

eliminated

any chance

of me trusting,

loving,

or sharing myself

with anyone else again.

with the detrimental destruction

of trust

that only you caused-

I will forever hate, that I ever felt the need to be accepted by you.