Now don't get me wrong, you're a good person. You're sweet, soft spoken, and wouldn't harm a fly so the saying goes. You work over 40 hours a week, are damn good at what you do career wise, but when you told me that you couldn't be the friend I needed right after my grandpa passed away and I was diagnosed with bipolar depression, did you really expect me to beg for your friendship? I apologize wholeheartedly for being over sensitive and for knowing, not "claiming" as you say, that your text to me while I was working and could not defend myself, triggered a depressive response which led to me going to the psychiatric hospital. I was already in a weak and vulnerable state and I guess that was my breaking point. Instead of owning up to your faults as a friend you more than once felt the need to text me when you were upset with me with a novel of why was a shitty friend, when you know I prefer to talk in person about serious matters.

Remember when you opened up to me about your depression? Now do you also remember me dropping anything and everything to be at your place when you'd text me and tell me you needed me. I left family gatherings, friends houses, the fucking grocery store, leaving the cart dead center in the isle to head straight to your place. I'd give you advice or my two cents when I felt you wanted it, I'd give a hug if you just wanted a listening ear, and I'd distract you with my stories if you wanted to forget if only for a second, how shitty depression really is. I know I wasn't always a perfect friend, but I know I was always fucking there when you needed me.

Yet you couldn't help but blame me for my depression because I don't handle depression the way you do. I don't run to people when I'm feeling depressed, and though it's not healthy, I probably never will. I let things eat at me until I fucking hate everything and everyone in my path. I become bitter and angry and that's just how it fucking goes. So yeah, you probably fucking did walk on eggshells around me, but I walk on them around myself too. Instead of trying to make me feel like shit by saying "everyone goes through depression, Haylea." learn to be caring like people think you are, and realize that not everyone deals with it the same. Most people I know with depression become selfish and incoherent to the wants and needs of others around them, so forgive me for not constantly keeping you updated on my day to day fuckery.

I could be cheesy and dramatic and say I'm stronger now that you're gone, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing great to the extent that I'm still breathing, still smiling, and still loving those friends that have always stayed no matter how difficult I am. I'm going to therapy once a week and learning how to react in situations like the one you put me through. And now, when I get upset, I can pinpoint a reason, not always right away, but I no longer never know why I'm upset. I feel stable and have therapy and Lamictal to thank.

If you're wondering why I never responded to your hurtful messages with the nerve to say I was the one who ruined our friendship, it's because I agree only half way. We both know, or at least I hope, relationships go two ways. I moved to Lawrence and you rarely came to see me, but expected me to always come see you because I worked in Topeka, and with your age and maturity, I hope you realize how unfair that is to me. You used the excuse you work a lot, and are tired after a long day of doing hair, but didn't seem to understand, we both are the same industry, and I too work a lot. I'll never quite understand the selfishness is those actions, but everything happens for a reason.

You were a lesson in disguise and I thank you for that. You showed me what a friend was halfheartedly and trust me, that hurts to say. Now because of that, I cherish my friendships, especially the ones who understand life gets busy, we aren't going to talk everyday, but we are going to think about one another. When there's an altercation, we are going to be mature, ask to meet up and talk, understand that none of us are perfect, but our bond is strong enough to let that go and be aware that no one is going to change, but we will try to be better replicas of ourselves.

So thank you again from the bottom of my heart, for you can only bring me down as far as I'm willing to go.