It has been over a year since I have been in a relationship. That being said, it is not like I haven't tried to meet a new boy toy, but I swear that it is not my time to be in one at all. I just have not found the guy who makes me feel more like myself or gives me the constant butterfly feeling.
None of my past relationships have worked out, I have always been the one to fall too hard or have been cheated on. As I recall those relationships, none of them really gave me what I needed or allowed me to grow in myself. My last relationship was over a year ago with one of my super close guy friends and it ended just about as fast as it started. He thought that some other girl was just as interesting and started something with her while our relationship was still going. With the end of that relationship, came a new era for my self-esteem -- it sent me into more of an "I cannot trust anyone and my anxiety off the radar" phase 24/7. The serious relationship I had before him decided that college was too much of a distance and that he wouldn't be able to be there for me when I needed him -- which in retrospect I thank him for because I would not be the more independent and strong woman I am today had we stayed together.
This past year has made me reflect on myself as a person, who I am in a relationship versus outside of one, and who I want to strive to be.
I have come to the conclusion that I DO NOT need a man to make myself happy or to help reduce my anxiety.
These are two important things that I can do all on my own. Yeah, sometimes it does suck because I just want someone to cuddle with, but I hate the idea that I need someone to take home to my parents for the holidays. (That is also what Tinder or Bumble are for too.)
It seems as though, it is a common trend in my generation that once the fall season hits then you NEED to be in a relationship or involved with someone to pass the winter months. Since being a junior in college, I have noticed a good portion of my friends from high school either getting engaged, married or starting their families. A huge kudos to them for knowing what they want and that they are ready for that level of commitment, but I as of now am not. I just know I am still not mentally prepared for the commitment level that being an adult in a serious relationship has to offer as of this moment.
I am an independent woman and I now know exactly what I want and am looking for when it comes to my significant other. That being said, I do not need to bring a guy home to signify that I am an adult and at that phase in my life. I know that I am getting to that age where it more common for one to do so, but I am more than happy being on my own.
I am not entirely invested in looking for someone either, I know that when it is time for a guy to come into my life then he will and I will know when the time is right. As for now, I am enjoying the single life and I am especially a-okay with being single at the holidays. Plus thank of all the money you save not having to buy someone else present. I think I am going to stay single for a little while longer, I am quite enjoying the adventures of dates and getting to know more than one person.