I Will Not Be Bringing Someone Home For The Holidays

Sorry, But I Will Not Be Bringing Anyone Home This Holiday Season

As the season gets colder, so does my heart.


It has been over a year since I have been in a relationship. That being said, it is not like I haven't tried to meet a new boy toy, but I swear that it is not my time to be in one at all. I just have not found the guy who makes me feel more like myself or gives me the constant butterfly feeling.

None of my past relationships have worked out, I have always been the one to fall too hard or have been cheated on. As I recall those relationships, none of them really gave me what I needed or allowed me to grow in myself. My last relationship was over a year ago with one of my super close guy friends and it ended just about as fast as it started. He thought that some other girl was just as interesting and started something with her while our relationship was still going. With the end of that relationship, came a new era for my self-esteem -- it sent me into more of an "I cannot trust anyone and my anxiety off the radar" phase 24/7. The serious relationship I had before him decided that college was too much of a distance and that he wouldn't be able to be there for me when I needed him -- which in retrospect I thank him for because I would not be the more independent and strong woman I am today had we stayed together.

This past year has made me reflect on myself as a person, who I am in a relationship versus outside of one, and who I want to strive to be.

I have come to the conclusion that I DO NOT need a man to make myself happy or to help reduce my anxiety.

These are two important things that I can do all on my own. Yeah, sometimes it does suck because I just want someone to cuddle with, but I hate the idea that I need someone to take home to my parents for the holidays. (That is also what Tinder or Bumble are for too.)

It seems as though, it is a common trend in my generation that once the fall season hits then you NEED to be in a relationship or involved with someone to pass the winter months. Since being a junior in college, I have noticed a good portion of my friends from high school either getting engaged, married or starting their families. A huge kudos to them for knowing what they want and that they are ready for that level of commitment, but I as of now am not. I just know I am still not mentally prepared for the commitment level that being an adult in a serious relationship has to offer as of this moment.

I am an independent woman and I now know exactly what I want and am looking for when it comes to my significant other. That being said, I do not need to bring a guy home to signify that I am an adult and at that phase in my life. I know that I am getting to that age where it more common for one to do so, but I am more than happy being on my own.

I am not entirely invested in looking for someone either, I know that when it is time for a guy to come into my life then he will and I will know when the time is right. As for now, I am enjoying the single life and I am especially a-okay with being single at the holidays. Plus thank of all the money you save not having to buy someone else present. I think I am going to stay single for a little while longer, I am quite enjoying the adventures of dates and getting to know more than one person.

Popular Right Now

The Truth About Dating A Girl With An Anxiety Disorder

She knows how annoying she can be, but she just prays you love her regardless of her flaws.


Anxiety: A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

The definition makes it sound really daunting. Truthfully, there is no one way to describe generalized anxiety disorder if you have it. It is hard to live with, hard to cope with and unfortunately, really hard to date with.

Girls with anxiety are different than the average girl when it comes to relationships. That's just an honest statement, no matter how much it hurts me to say it.

We need the constant reminder that you love us, even though we know in our hearts that you do. We panic when you don't answer your phone, in fear that we did something wrong. We care about your feelings when you say that we don't need to worry and we need to be a little calmer. But it's so damn hard.

It isn't easy to love someone who worries about everything 24/7. Half the time, we know we shouldn't be doing the things we do. We know we shouldn't blow up your phone or ask just one more time if you are mad at us. But we can't help it. It says it right in the definition: compulsive behavior due to excessive uneasiness.

Being with a girl with anxiety is probably downright exhausting. It's exhausting for us to have our minds constantly running and worrying. But I promise it's worth it.

We come to you with everything because you are the one person who always knows how to make us feel better. When we are happy, you are the one person we want to be happy with. We all know the constant reassurance, reminders and the same old arguments get old. It gets old to us too.

There was never a time I wanted to have a panic attack because my boyfriend wasn't answering his phone. In my head, I knew where he was because he was usually in the same three places. I knew he wasn't mad at me because I didn't do anything to make him upset. I knew how busy he was with his classes and he was probably studying and I needed to give him space. But the little voice in my head always argued, "What if you did something wrong? What if he's ignoring you because he's angry? What if he's seen your messages and calls, but no longer wants to be with you?" And then I give in. I call, I text, I cry, I panic. Only to feel even worse 10, 30 or 50 minutes later because you answer angrily, telling me what I already knew after I did what I knew I shouldn't have done.

Having anxiety is almost like having a drug addiction. You know all the things that trigger you. You know all the ways to stay away from the bad places in your mind so you don't end up relapsing. But you do anyway and it hurts worse every single time.

Dating a girl with anxiety is as hard as it gets, but she will love you like no other. She is so incredibly thankful for all the things you put up with to be with her. Because she is worried about being loved, she goes the extra mile to always remind you how much you are loved. She always asks if you are ok because she cares about the answer and knows what it's like not to be ok.

The truth is that dating anybody with anxiety is difficult, but it isn't impossible. You get back everything you put in, even though you may not realize it. Trust me, she is sorry for being the annoying, crying, worried, naggy mess and it embarrasses her because she knows better and she wants to be better for you. But please love her. Hold her, understand her, listen to her, calm her, be there for her. In your heart, you know she would turn around and do all the same things for you in a heartbeat.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

To The Ex-Best Friend Who Made Everything A Competition, I'm Done Playing Your Game

And I'm doing OK without you.


Dear Best Friend,

We were inseparable, attached at the hip, and I always thought that you would be in my life for forever. We did everything together: ate the worst food possible, watched the newest crappy Netflix film, cried over the boy that constantly broke our hearts, and laughed at the things that made us seem the most stupid. I loved you like a sister, and I would do anything for you, but everything started to change quickly, and it didn't make sense for me to stay.

As close as we were, things started to become a competition: who could be the happiest? Who could be the best in school? Who could find the "one" first? Even now, I sit and question why we thought that these things were supposed to strengthen our friendship when they only destroyed it. I felt like I had entered a toxic relationship, trapped in the constant annoyance that I felt in your presence, and I hate that I felt this way. But, here's the thing, you were so wrapped up in your own life and making yourself happy that you had totally forgotten that I had a life of my own. I wanted to be successful, too. I wanted to have a shoulder to cry on when I was hurt, too. I wanted to have my best friend on my side, too. But I didn't have the luxury that you did; you were my best friend, but I wasn't yours.

After months of just being there at your disposal, I finally learned what life would be like without having my best friend around, and that really sucked, if I'm being honest. Every time you called, I was there. Every time he broke your heart, I was there. Every time you needed to cry, I was there. I was behind you every step of the way, that even when my day was horrible, I made sure to answer when you called. But, when I needed you, the conversation was spun into your mandala of life, and my problems were thrust outside the lines. I was tired of being taken advantage of.

After all the ignored advice given, I finally gave up. I couldn't sit back and watch you ruin your life over a guy that obviously didn't care about your well-being or our friendship. I watched our friendship turn from something once great, something I couldn't live without, into something toxic and something I wanted no part of.

Because I knew that I had lost you a long time ago, I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I could live a happier life without you in it. I wanted to make sure that the days of being in this crazy competition were over for me, and that I could look back on this last year and know that, no matter what, I was the winner of my own happiness. And I look at you, and I truly feel sorry for you because you've spent so much time trying to give someone else your happiness. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry that this happened. I'm sorry we grew apart. I'm sorry I wasn't able to be the friend that you needed. I'm sorry that I won't be the girl who hides behind one of her friends. I'm sorry that I have my own life, one that I'm proud of.

I'm glad we had laughs that we did. I'm glad we cried together. I'm glad that we have the amazing memories that we do.

You were my best friend, and I'll always be there for you. Just remember why I left.

With love,

Your Ex-Best Friend

Related Content

Facebook Comments