Dear Depression,
It's not me, it's you.
For years I have dealt with your destruction and it's about time that we call it quits. Let's be honest, nothing good has come out of this and we both knew this time was going to come eventually. You didn't think you'd have a hold on me forever, did you? It's for the best, really. I'm stronger now.
When you found me all those years ago, I was damaged. I was alone, lost, confused and afraid. I was gullible. I didn't love myself. It was so easy for you to manipulate me and make me feel worthless. You never failed to tell me on a daily basis that I was dumb, fat, ugly and a waste of space. Not a day went by that you didn't tell me how I had no purpose in this life.
You told me that the world would be better off without me, that I should just end it all and do everybody a favor. You disguised your voice as my own, and sometimes as the people that I loved. You held me in chains for so many years and they were so tight, I needed a way out. I felt hopeless. You controlled every aspect of my life. I pushed myself away from friends, because you convinced me that they were only around because they felt sorry for me. I sabotaged things with potential lovers because you convinced me that there was no way that anybody could ever want to be with somebody like me. I almost didn't go to college because you told me that I wasn't smart enough, and that there was no way I would go anywhere in life.
When I got accepted into college, you continued to break me down and shatter me to pieces. I almost dropped out. I wore pants and hoodies in the summer because you told me I looked disgusting in shorts and tank tops or t-shirts. With you, I couldn't win. I can detect your presence more than anything because you've been around for so long. It's disgusting, you can't just make one person feel worthless, it has to be everyone. You disgust me.
I did so many things because of you. I didn't live my life the way I should have because in your eyes I was always a screw up and you altered my mind to make me believe of all of it. You're sick and twisted. You are awful. You have control issues, you're obviously insecure and I am way better off without you. You see, back then I didn't know any better. I didn't have the strength to fight back and gain control of my life. I used to think that there was something wrong with me, no matter the situation. I really did hate myself for awhile. I thought I was the problem, but now I can see and think clearly. You are the problem. You can't go where someone like me is going. You need to go.
I've grown a lot since we first met. I am more confident now than I ever have been and I can only go up from here. Allow me to introduce myself again.
I am smart. I am beautiful. I am perfect the way that I am. I am not worthless. I have a purpose in this life. I'm a good person. I am not toxic. I have a heart of gold. I am kind. I radiate love. I am going to accomplish wonderful things. I am blessed. I am important. I am a warrior. I am all of these things and so much more. I have always been these things, I just couldn't see because you clouded my mind with your negativity. You made it your job to make me miserable and now I'm making it MY job to love myself.
It's over.
Along with finding myself, I found someone else: Happiness.
I can't say that I'll miss you. Don't let the door hit you on the way out and if you ever feel the need to come back into my life, don't.
Sincerely,
Someone who just made the best decision of their life.
