You grew up together. Or maybe you met in college. Maybe you were coworkers. But somewhere along the way you became best friends. You did things together: unforgettable things. You made memories. You went on vacation with their family. You had deep talks about the mysterious world beyond the clouds. You cried to them when your parents told you they were separating. You held them as they cried about their breakup. You were confident in that they would always be there for you and you would always be there for them. That despite the many losses and challenges life would bring, everything would be okay because you had them for a best friend.
Now you exchange a text or two a month. Your conversations no longer reach great depths, consisting only of “how have you been” and “hope all is well”, not even close to skimming the depths of the universe. The information you have about what they’re doing now and who they are now comes solely from what Facebook and Instagram and their new best friends tell you. Rather than helping you through all the losses and challenges life would bring for eternity, they became them. A loss. A challenge. What happened? Where, among the inside jokes, the in-depth conversations analyzing life, the routine phone calls, and traditional movie showings, did our friendship weaken? When did we stop being friends?
Friendships end for all sorts of reasons. Whether it’s due to big moves across the state or country, or a time-consuming relationship that got in the way, or simply because life became all too consuming. The important thing is that it existed at all. It got you through some of the toughest times of your life thus far. That person provided support and comfort and love. And the fact that they may be more of a stranger now doesn’t diminish the fact that they were your best friend before.
It’s hard to lose a friend. It’s also hard to keep one. What you need to determine is which friendships are worth fighting for and which ones no longer hold any value. If you’re the one putting in all the work, the only one that’s reaching out, it’s likely time to accept the loss. If life’s got you both off balance, but each of you still obviously cherish your friendship, it’s likely still worth the effort; remember, friendships not only begin and end, but evolve.
Losing a close friend will never be easy. But reminding yourself of everything they did for you, everything they taught you about yourself and about life, everything they did that made your life better—that helps.
