Sometimes life is so full that what I want to do is retreat into my own space and share nothing. Yet I have created a life that requires me to be engaged with others even when I don’t want to be. It has been my tendency for as much of my life as I can remember to put the needs of others before my own, but why do some of us operate that way?

Last week in my article I reflected on a story I told at Bible school and a new view that I had on the story. That started me thinking about how many other ideas were planted in my head a long time ago and how many of those ideas could use some updates. Many of the ideas that I struggle with came from my religious background so it often comes down to spiritual or philosophical pondering. And in this instance, it has.

I remember being a very small child in children’s church when we learned the “JOY” lesson. For those unfamiliar with “JOY” it is an acronym for Jesus, Others, You. Meaning love God, love others, and then love yourself. Now, some kids do not take everything literally, much to their credit. I however was a very black and white, literal child. So, that lesson stuck. I knew in my heart it was wrong to put myself first. I needed to be third in line always. The needs of others came before mine no matter how I was feeling. Yes, there was a time when I thought that it was actually the only way to be and the right thing to do.

Sometimes it made me mad, or sad. “When will someone care about me as much as I care about other people? When will someone put me before themselves?” I would think to myself. I started to get angry and resentful. I still tried to put others first, but frankly, most of the time I just couldn’t stand people and had to fake the joy. I haven’t met too many other people who took that Sunday school lesson so literally.

Then one day, once again I was getting ready for Sunday school, and I was reading the passage where the man asks Jesus, “What must I do to be saved?” And Jesus tells the guy, “It’s quite simple. Love God with all your heart soul mind strength, then love your neighbor as yourself.” And it hit me, Jesus didn’t say, “Love your neighbor and then you will love yourself.” He said, “Love God, love yourself, and then you can love your neighbor.” “JOY” flew out the window and real joy set in. I needed to love me first. No wonder I was getting tired and sad and angry. I didn’t love myself at all. I’m going to be honest, I still don’t love myself very much, it was pretty ingrained and I still struggle with self care. However these days I have a bit more balance and try only to be engaged and giving of myself when it is an absolute must or when I have the fortitude to give. When it is not an absolute must or I am completely depleted I try to step back and make time for myself and figure out how this love yourself thing works.

I know that this isn’t a struggle that everyone can relate to, but I’m sure there are others that will understand and need to hear the good news that JOY is actually JYO. (If Jesus happens to be the philosophy you follow.) So, you really should go and love yourself...but then don’t forget there are other people that need you too.