“Kyland why don’t you have any friends,” is a question I hear from a plethora of different people in my life. This plethora includes my mom, my dad, my dad’s girlfriend, my mom’s ex-boyfriend, my grandparents, my aunt, my uncle, my girlfriend, I’m sure everyone in the theater program at FSCJ wonders why I don’t have any friends (come check out the production of Stalking Ottis Toole on April 6-9 at 7:30). There are many more, but these are just the people that come to mind. I have lived my entire life with everyone telling me that I should have more friends, and that I would be happier if I “put myself out there.” I have had this conversation many a time, and I have never really been able to articulate why I don’t make friends. I feel that I owe it to everyone to explain in depth what goes on in my mind. The things that I want to say to everyone, but can’t find the words to say out loud. Hopefully, this will answer the age-old question of why Kyland has no friends.

For starters, I don’t know the proper way of making friends. When has it ever been socially acceptable to just go start talking to someone? Because, last time I checked if you randomly walk up to someone and start talking, people will think you’re weird and make fun of you. I for one, am not a fan of being made fun of, so I won’t be putting myself in that position anytime soon. “But Kyland you shouldn’t worry about what people think of you,” if that is your response to this justification, my answer is simple: everyone cares about what other people think of them, everybody just likes to pretend that they don’t. If someone presents me with a way to make friends without looking like an idiot, then I will try it and see how it goes. However, I’ve been down this road of being made fun of before, and I am not a fan.

Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, I did make a friend. What then? That’s not a metaphorical question, I’m literally asking. I’m asking, what exactly do I have to gain from making a friend? In my opinion, having a friend would do nothing for me in the long-term. Sure, I may receive immediate satisfaction, but fifteen to twenty year from now the friends I made while I was eighteen years old at community college in Jacksonville will not matter. People are not permanent, the sooner we all realize that the better off we will all be.

I am content with having no friends. I have spent the last eighteen years of my life by myself. I can say that truly in my entire life, I have had one true friend. I personally don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with having no friends. It’s not like I’m not a nice guy, it’s not like I’m not, at the very least, a descent writer. I am an amazing person, and all those above people will vouch for me. So, if everyone truly does believe I am a great person, then why does it matter if I have friends or not? Why is it that even when I am seemingly doing fine everyone still thinks that a friend would make me better? Newsflash, it won’t. If you think friends will make you a better person or a good person, then you should get used to the idea that you probably won’t be a good person for a long time.

I want to conclude by saying, that this article is not a personal attack on anyone who has ever questioned me about my lack of friends. I get it, it’s weird. I should be out exploring life and making mistakes, but I don’t want to do that. I want to focus on things other than if I have friends or not (like writing, what college I’m going to after FSCJ, increasing my vinyl collection, watching movies, watching every episode of “Seinfeld,” etc.). To the people who are extremely nice to me and compliment my outfits, talk to me about music, and assist me at my job, you are all swell acquaintances (not friends, a friend is someone you hang-out with not talk to only at work or school) and hey you might just be the person that makes me go back on this whole article. Maybe next week, I’ll be writing an article about how great you are like everyone on Odyssey (probably not), only time will tell.