No, this is not a feminist rant. Or a male-shaming article. And, no, this isn’t some anti-Disney ploy. In fact, I like Disney movies just as much as the next girl. This is, however, a call for women to be a bit more realistic in their expectations of men, romance, and life in general.

Here’s the cold, hard truth: You do not have a fairy godmother who can magically transform a pumpkin into a stunning carriage, pet mice into horses, or your tattered dress into a gorgeous ball gown. There is not a prince waiting to chase after you after finding the shoe that you lost while running away trying to hide your true self from him. Sure, you might “accidentally” meet the man that you end up marrying, and he may have to pursue you a bit, as it should be. However, pretending to be someone you’re not to get this prince does more damage than it does anything else. If the foundation of the relationship is built on lies and facades, then the foundation is cracked, and the relationship will come tumbling down.

The idea of “love at first sight” should terrify you, not mesmerize you. I’m sorry, but if we just met 3.2 seconds ago and you’re already proposing…I’m out. CREEPY! Disney finally portrayed it well in their film Frozen during the scene where Elsa scolds her younger sister Anna by saying, “You can’t marry a man you just met!” This, of course, is in direct opposition to most of the classic Disney movies in which the couple falls deeply in love very quickly, and are even “completing each other’s songs” within moments of meeting each other. Ha!

Our society and the media we allow to brainwash us tricks young girls, and women, into believing that the only thing they need in this life in order to survive is prince charming. What if your prince isn’t so charming? Is all hope lost? No! Everyone is different, as are their wants and needs in a spouse. Therefore, it is possible that your “prince charming” may not be tall, dark, and handsome. You may not always agree on everything. He will not be perfect, and he will probably disappoint you more than once. Why? Because he’s human, too.

It’s not fair for us to put unrealistic standards out there for the men in our lives. Raise the bar so that you’re not settling for a nonsense and unhealthy relationship, but keep it attainable for real life humans, and not a storybook character that an author created to be the shining-star of all men. If you don’t make the mark one that fits actual people, then you’ll end up with nothing but a whole lot of disappointment.

It’s also not fair for us to expect them to do everything for us. Yes, he can provide for you. He can be your emotional support. He can be there for you when you’re hurting or sick. But why can’t you do the same for him? The truth is, whether or not they admit it, they need us, too.