I hope you know I’ve struggled with this decision for a while. Months I’ve tried to justify what I know is just not acceptable behavior on both of our parts.
When i first met you I wasn’t exactly interested. In fact my friends had to practically push you into my hands to get things going. So I put you to my lips. And then I did it again…and again.
We were doing well at first. When we first started this thing I needed you – to break me out of my shell. To help me become more social and slide off the self-protective mask I had always worn at parties. And you did that. So thank you. But damn... couldn’t you have stopped there?
I think I started to realize when my friends told me they didn’t like you anymore. I would meet you at the bar of our favorite club and we’d do our usual, but they wouldn’t come close to us. They didn’t want to “enable the relationship.” I get it now. They don’t like me when I’m with you. They tell me I’m different. I take too many chances. I make to many stupid decisions. Kiss too many other men. Text my exes. Post way to many snapchats of me dancing with you – with everyone. I wake up the next morning full of regret. They’re right. And worst of all is that I keep giving you chances. Time after time of you messing with my head I take you back. I’ve given you too many shots.
See, sometimes it feels right – when I’m with you I love it. Everything is fun, warm, and fuzzy in a good way. You make me feel at ease. But when you’re gone I realize how terrible we are together. But I see on TV people who are in the same kind of relationship as us. I thought it was okay, but Meredith Grey in the first three seasons of Grey’s Anatomy is NOT a good role model. I KNOW THAT NOW!
After this weekend I think I finally realized that this is not okay. It was all going fine. I hadn’t been with you for a few weeks. I thought it was over. I always think it’s over – each time. But there you were. Standing by the bar at Blackthorn’s. Waiting for me to come over and say hi. And that’s how it always is. I always run back to you.
The truth is, I can’t keep waking up like this, Tequila. I can’t keep waking up tired, dizzy, trying to piece together the storyline of the night before. I don’t like the taste I have in my mouth after we’ve been together. I feel like it’s over because I’m not my best self with you anymore. And I know it’s not all your fault, but I’m just gonna tell everyone else that it is. Because that’s a lot easier to be honest.
Anyway, I wish I could say it’s been nice, but it hasn’t. I feel like we may meet again in another life... or maybe just another bar. Until then, bye.
P.S. If you see me at the bar with Scotch, please let us be. He’s a lot better to me than you are.
