Sometimes You Have To Break Something More To Fix It
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Sometimes You Have To Break Something More To Fix It

I realized you weren't in love with me anymore and it hurt so much.

Sometimes You Have To Break Something More To Fix It

So here we are, we've been together for two years, five months, and two days, and we are having relationship trouble. Truth is, I don't even remember what happened. All I remember is we got in a fight, I know I made it seem like I was only fighting you because I wanted you to come over, but the truth is I was just fighting you on how you take what people say about us and acted based on that.

I was at work when you told me and I was frustrated, there was something I wanted so desperately, to come home to my boyfriend. However, because of that fight, I was mad and that moment was ruined. When I say your car parked at my house, I was mad and kept thinking how I was going to yell at you or even hit you, essentially take out my angry on you the best was a 5'5" girl could to a 5'11" guy. I was ready to do whatever until I was no longer mad, but than I saw you, and looked into your eyes.

I saw you looking at me with love, an "I'm sorry I made you mad, I'm still mad at you, but madder at myself" look. I saw it in your eyes and the only anger that remained was beneath the surface. You came near me and we hugged, not saying anything, but letting it heal us. However, it wasn't enough healing, there was something else taking place and we didn't know it.

We had given into lust and it hurt us both. The thing that hurt me most that night was when you said "On the way up here half of me was wanting to break up with you, and the other half was lustful. So I decided I was going to have sex with you then break up with you." That hurt the most, simply because you were going to use me, thankfully, neither one of those things happened.

I was talking to your younger sister about everything and I realized at that point you could have said "I don't love you anymore". I think that's why it actually hurt so much.

I'm almost certain when I see you this week, we will break up, but I've made peace with it. Our relationship is certainly broken, and I think we can agree that lust has taken over, and somewhere in that process, replaced the love. However, the love is still there, but lust is overpowering it.

Honestly breaking up makes sense. We are already really broken. Sometimes you have to break a broken object more in order to fix it. We will get back together some day, I don't have any doubts about that. Hopefully, our next relationship will be better than this one and lust free.

I'm honestly okay with this, because when people ask why we broke up and we tell them "because we love each other" It won't make sense, but it'll make sense to us, and that's all that matters. So, my love, I will see you again in the future, but for now, it will be awhile before we speak.

I love you.

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