Depression, along with many other mental illnesses, is most commonly associated with girls. We look out for it in teenage girls and quickly become concerned when a girl asks for help. We don't try to question it or attack her femininity. We do everything we can to help. However, the story is entirely different when it comes to boys.
While the idea that boys can't be depressed doesn't hold up in every household, it's hard to deny that it exists. Boys are stereotypically supposed to be strong; capable of being protective. Depression tends to cripple that notion, but you don't always have to be the strong one.
Having a mental illness can happen to anyone; girl or boy; young or old. Feeling pain is an entirely human trait. In fact, feeling almost anything at all is perfectly normal. You might have this need to keep your emotions dormant. Maybe it's fear of rejection. Maybe it's fear of the reactions you'll receive, but you'll only be adding to your own pain.
As a female, I can't pretend to understand why you feel the way you do in relation to your depression. Your story is your own, and only you can fully understand how you got where you are now. As somebody who's had to suffer in silence before, I can say I understand the hole you're in. Finding your way out isn't going to be an easy feat, but the first step is asking someone for help.
Therapy isn't for everyone, and it doesn't have to be your only solution. However, reaching out to a friend or a family member you actually trust can help you more than you may realize. Not everyone you meet is going to shoot you down, and you'd be surprised by how quickly somebody who loves you will change their beliefs when they see you're suffering.
At the end of the day, you don't have to go through this alone.