A few weeks ago I wrote an article called, “How to Decipher Between Boyfriend Material and Husband Material”. In the article were five differences between boyfriend material and husband material, the first being “Boyfriends pursue you, husbands lead you”. To help explain that statement further, we’re going to break it down into two segments.

Part One - Boyfriends pursue you.

What does being pursued look like? It looks like being asked out on a date in person, being listened to and not just heard, being respected and not just tolerated. Boyfriends pursuing their girlfriends should look like leaving encouraging notes for her to find throughout the day, bringing coffee for her to a study date, writing your thoughts out in a letter to her (even if your thoughts are about how excited you are to go to the next football game ~with her of course~), being crystal clear with your reasons behind why you chose to date her and why you are pursuing her.

Instead of gals feeling like you have to make things easier on your guys for him to participate in the relationship, raise the bar. Let him know what you expect the relationship to look like, and help navigate towards a mutual companionship in which you are both challenging each other to grow personally.

Some guys are inherently great at making their gals feel loved and supported. Some guys have the best intentions, but are just not quite sure how to do all of this. It may take teaching your guy how to pursue you by helping walk him through the ways in which you feel loved. Discussing results from the five love languages assessment should help you both understand the ways you can love each other better if you are having difficulty figuring out a good way to do this.

Part Two - Husbands lead you.

I am not married yet, so I am not the ultimate authority figure on this matter, but I do know that it is so important to be confident your guy can lead you if you are considering marriage. What does being “led” even mean? For years I struggled with the concept that my husband would be the head of the family one day. This concept frustrated me, and made me feel inferior simply by being a woman. Leading up to engagement, my wonderful now-fiancé and I had many difficult yet very life-giving conversations about what it would look like for him to “lead” me.

Thankfully he understood my concerns on this topic, and reassured me that in no way would I ever be inferior in our relationship, nor would my opinion ever be disregarded simply because I was I was a woman. What he did explain to me though, was that as my future husband, he would always strive to seek God’s will in every situation - he would be my spiritual leader in our home.

Understanding these differences, and even what positive relationship roles can look like in a dating relationship is so helpful in determining whether the relationship you are in, or are hoping to get into someday is fulfilling and glorifying to the Lord.