My entire life, I've been told I'm "too much." Whether I'm too loud, too angry, too talkative, too emotional—I've always been "too" something to someone.
For a long time, I was in a relationship where I felt like I was too big of a handful. That's what I was told. Through all of the scolding and fighting, I became convinced that I had so many flaws that no one else could ever love me. I became convinced that that was what love was, and that that was what I had to settle for.
I eventually realized that wasn't the case. I'm not too much.
My current relationship reaffirms that to me. I may be dramatic, I may be emotional, I may be talkative as hell, but it doesn't matter. My boyfriend never makes me feel like I'm too much for him. He loves everything about me, and he loves me exactly the way I am.
He makes me feel like my feelings actually matter to him instead of just burdening him. I never feel like I have to keep my thoughts to myself, or like I need to watch how I act and say, or like I disappoint him. He wants me to talk about how I'm feeling, he enjoys how passionate I get.
I've learned how important this is. A relationship isn't healthy if they make you believe you're so much work that people grow tired of you. A relationship isn't healthy if they treat you like you're lucky they keep putting up with you. You aren't something for someone to "put up with," you're something someone should be damn lucky to have. I've finally learned that I am, too.
It took a while to grasp that I'm not too big of a handful for my boyfriend because of how ingrained it had been that I was in my brain for so long. I'll still catch myself asking him if he loves me because I'm constantly afraid that he'll soon reach his breaking point with me. It's still hard to fight the feeling that I'm lucky anyone puts up with me, but I'm trying. My boyfriend makes it so much easier because I know for a fact he loves everything about me.
I'm not going to apologize anymore for being emotional, talkative, loud, or anything else. I'm not going to believe that I'm a burden on anyone for being passionate about things, especially the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally. If I truly am "too much" for these people, they're not people I want in my life. I'm not going to be bullied emotionally by people who say they love me. That's not what love is.
I'm not "too much," and neither are you. Find a significant other who makes you feel loved and important like they're every bit as lucky to have you as you are to have them. Because they are. You're just enough for someone who truly loves you.
