introducing your boyfriend or girlfriend to your parents | The Odyssey Online
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It's OK If My Significant Other Doesn't Meet My Parents, It's My Life, Not Theirs

It is not their relationship.

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couple holding hands on the beach

One aspect of my life I always think about or have on my mind is dating. I constantly think about how I'm going to be better at getting the girl, how I can successfully play the game without getting played, how I can be "hotter," among other things. But if I have a significant other, I would feel the most empty if my parents don't like her.

A common component for a serious relationship that lasts to an engagement and then a marriage is when both the guy and the girl have met each other's parents. Their families, naturally, know each other and there is a mutual trust. That's a great thing to have, but it's not a blessing that every couple can confidently say that they have. If you don't have that blessing, you're still in luck.

But meeting the parents shouldn't be a requirement.

You shouldn't have to feel pressured to introduce your significant other to the parents, because it is not their relationship. It's your choice if you want to introduce your significant other to them, so if you aren't wanting to do so, you shouldn't have to do it. The relationship is your own, and nobody other than God, or the two of you, should have any presiding power over how the relationship progresses over time.

I know that when I have a serious girlfriend that I know there is potential for a lifetime with, I can trust that potential because of the effort that's been put in by both of us. What does it do if I introduce her to my parents, and my parents don't like her? I'll be the one who's hurt the most.

Parents do not have ANY say in whether or not I should end things with her if they don't approve of her, and I'm not seeking approval from my parents if I'm with my girlfriend whom I dearly love.

I know that if she and I both love each other, and put God at the center of it, that is when our bond is strongest. In church, we are encouraged to take control of our faith and to make it our own, and by keeping the relationship exclusive and away from parents who believe they can say whatever they want about the relationship or about my significant other, I'm doing just that with my faith. She is doing that too. Parents will not tell me that my significant other isn't good enough. Only God can be the judge of that.

Some situations are dire enough that parents will actually try to stop their son/daughter from courting a serious relationship, and that leads to a lot of self-questioning and self-doubt. Parents wonder why their kids are so down upon themselves and are too stubborn to understand that they themselves are contributing to the problem. By putting that self-doubt into the equation, parents essentially have sent the message to their son/daughter that not only is he/she not good enough, but their significant other isn't a good enough person either. I will not tolerate that.

My parents will NEVER tell me that my significant other isn't good enough because if I am choosing her every day, it's because she IS good enough. My parents cannot take that away from her, and they certainly won't take her away from me.

Don't bring her to your parents if you notice that they are judgmental in any way. It isn't fair to you, and it certainly isn't fair to your significant other. It destroys relationships, hearts, and lives, and nobody deserves to go through that just because the parents don't like their son/daughter's significant other. Most couples are mature enough to know that they want to be with each other and parental approval won't do anything to stop it.

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