"Boys will be boys." It's a common phrase we guys hear from childhood. We like to play, get messy, and maybe do some irrational things from time to time. And, while that's all well and good in childhood, what happens when we don't leave that mentality behind when we enter into young adulthood?
Guys often come to college immature and inexperienced (lord knows, I did). This state of emerging adulthood is crucial in development and maturity. However, guys sometimes miss/delay this process of maturity and fall for society's poor attempt to demonstrate "masculinity" and machismo.
The result? A man who acts like a boy.
As a man who sees the immaturity in my fellow Y-chromosomed beings,
Here are six ways to tell whether a guy is a "boy" and not a "man":
1. He lives for the party.
If the dude is always talking about parties, drinking, etc... and lives for the weekends, you're dating a boy. A man lives his life for things/people/causes that are productive to one's health, moral or emotional state.
2. He's not a scholar.
If he's in college and he often skips class, forgets assignments and spends more time complaining about classes and tests than he does actually studying and trying to get good grades, you've got a boy on your hands. A man understands the need for education, growth and wisdom and he places a great deal of value on these.
3. His choices of interior decor.
Look at the walls of the guy's bedroom/apartment/house. Are there numerous Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition and/or countless beer posters? If so, you've got a boy. A man's home should include well kept, tasteful and appropriate. That doesn't have to be a vase from the Ming Dynasty but bikini pictures and Coors Light posters do not qualify.
4. His speech is less than appropriate.
I'm a guy. I totally get how guys talk when we're around other guys/close friends. That's totally cool. However, if a guy's speech is crude, sexual and explicit 100 percent of the time, regardless of environment, he's a boy. A man understands the "F word" should not be used every other word and that sometimes his speech should be adjusted according to his company; when he's around women, his speech is respectful, clean and classy and not rude, arrogant and crass.
5. He's argumentative.
If your guy is "always right" and is never willing to be corrected, he's a boy. A man knows when he's wrong and is willing to admit it and, if necessary, ask for forgiveness. Know that as males, humility is often hard for us. Be patient with us but remember a real man will humble himself when he should.
6. He's egocentric.
A man places great value on other people; his choices are made with others in mind and he realizes that the world doesn't revolve around him and his schedule. A boy is only concerned about himself. His choices are always based on how he will benefit and he rarely considers how his actions will affect other people. In relationships, this manifests as selfishness and entitlement.
As a man, I have observed these qualities in many of my collegiate brethren. I hurt for them because I recognize the flaw in their thinking and wish for them a better life.
I'll leave y'all with this:
For the ladies:
If you're dating a "boy", take a second and ask yourself why you're with him. If you're "pending" with a guy like this, do yourself a favor and don't even initiate the relationship. Either way, you want a man who's going to lead you in the relationship, not a boy you have to look after.
To the guys:
If this is you, bro, I encourage you to take some time and reevaluate some things in your life. Ask for advice, read some books/blogs (check out this one that my friend Kris runs: GoodGuySwag) and you'll be surprised the awesome changes you'll discover. Employers want responsible gentlemen, who they can count on, to accomplish their given tasks. Women want a mature man who will lead them and who, one day, will be a father to his children. However you look at it, just like these guys, it's time to go from "Boyz II Men".
Cheers,
ZER
