A Boy Won’t Cure Your Loneliness or Fix All The Problems In Your Life

That Boy Won’t Cure Your Loneliness Or Fix All Your Problems— So Please Stop Expecting Him To

You need to find yourself first and really fall in love with that self before you can find your person and fall in love with him.

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The biggest misconception I had about love is that it would fix all the problems in my life. I inevitably thought love would give me a lifelong soulmate so I wouldn't feel so goddamn lonely all the time.

That happily ever after. A forever ride or die.

Once we fall in love with someone, we experience that euphoric feeling of passion and admiration. It's a great feeling, isn't it? That there's that boy who's all about you, just as you, are heads-over-heels about him. The world seems to be spinning in the right direction, and you suddenly believe that perhaps this boy was your lucky charm, a special omen brought exclusively from the heavens.

This boy knows all your tiny little secrets, calls you beautiful and stares at you lovingly when you walk alongside each other, hand in hand. With him, you feel as if you aren't lonely anymore. That you won't be that sad pathetic girl alone at a New Year's Eve Party anymore. That you'll have this boy to lean onto no matter what.

He says he's all yours, anyway. He puts your number in as "Babygirl" on his phone. He never misses the chance to text you good morning and be the last one to end a conversation before you drift off to sleep.

Let me get real with you, ladies. But this boy probably won't cure your sad loneliness or fix all the problems in your life. He won't become your soulmate, but instead, he's going to be a distraction. He's going to be a lesson, whether he breaks your heart or not.

Because once you start fully depending on this boy for emotional and moral support, he's going to start becoming distant. He's most likely not going to be there for you when shit happens, for one reason or another. He's not going to know what to say when you start crying other than a simple "It's going to be okay". Don't necessarily blame him for that. I guarantee that you're going to start blaming yourself about his behavior. And the more you start blaming yourself for how he's changed, it's only going to distract you from actually realizing the true reasons behind your problems and acting on them.

I know this all sounds a bit startling.

Try flipping the tables and think of it this way:

You just met this amazing guy. He's good looking, educated, passionate and respectful, etc. You have so much fun around him, and you come to fall in love with all his imperfections. But as time drags on, he begins to rant about how miserable school/work is and how much he hates these littlest of things you find a bit ridiculous. Imagine how confused and overwhelmed you would feel if he begins piling that stress onto you, telling you "But dating you is going to make me feel better about _____ since you're going to be here with me through it, right?"

I don't know about you but after hearing that, I would be running away at full tilt.

Now I'm not saying you have to be happy and bubbly around a boy 24/7. I'm not promoting some type of relationship where everything is perfect—of course, you'll come to find differences, have arguments and lean on each other during tough times.

I guess what I'm saying is that you shouldn't have to depend on someone in order to find your way through life or to feel less lonely.

Why should you feel that only a man would have the capabilities to change your problems? We're strong independent women, after all.

In most situations, you will only have yourself to lean on since not everyone's going to be there for you.

A boy isn't willing to fix all the problems in your life by licking your wounds and bandaging them up. Sure, he might be around to express sympathy and hold you when all you want to do is cry. But he's mainly going to be a part of your life to support you. He'll support your decisions and support you for how well you handle yourself. He'll love you for your independence, not how dependent you are. He fell in love with that free spirit from the beginning.

And if he left your life, he may have done so because *news flash* men aren't good with all that emotional baggage. Simple as that. So erase all those crazy thoughts about him secretly cheating on you or being a dick for wanting to end things.

My mom once told me this about love: "You need to find yourself first and really fall in love with that self before you can find your person and fall in love with him."

So, my friends, if you haven't found a boy yet, don't lose hope—he's going to come along.

But you need to find yourself first.

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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To The Best Friend Every Girl Should Be Blessed Enough To Have

You definitely deserve all the love.

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I have not written this letter, but it has been on my list of "to write" for forever. She keeps asking when I will write one about her and every time I tell her, soon.

Well here it is. The truth on why it took so long? No words seem to do everything justice. No matter how I put them or how I want them to sound, the page always makes them look weird and they always sound lame.

But finally, here it is. Best friend, this one is for you.

First and foremost I will start with a holy cow. We have been best friends for only a short time because who knew your "in school friend" from all those math classes would actually turn into this? We put off hanging out outside of school for years, and finally, after suffering through all that algebra we decided enough was enough.

I wish we had sooner.

I wish I had gotten more time with you before we both moved away to college - but ill take whatever time I get with you because well… you're incredible.

Thank you.

Thank you for finally agreeing to hang out with me.

Thank you for listening to every rant ever - whether it was a paragraph long text, a 2 hour FaceTime call or an hour-long car ride.

Thank you for ordering planners with me and spending nights decorating them with me (we are such losers).

Thank you for letting me become a part of your family.

Thank you for going to Friendly's, IHOP and Target at the most ungodly hours.

Thank you for encouraging me in everything I do, and stopping me from making bad decisions.

Thank you for telling me the truth, despite if it hurt me or not, I know now you will never lie about your feelings towards someone (LOL).

Basically, thank you for everything you have done for me. You have made me a better person and you encourage me to be my best self every single day.

Moving on I want to make it clear how incredibly proud of you I am. I love getting texts from you about your love for your classes, and how you want to be president of this club and president of that. How you help out kids, and how you host events. I love hearing about your major and the classes you are so incredibly excited to take. Watching you be so passionate about what you are doing and becoming makes me want to feel the same way in everything I do.

I hope someday my kids are your students because, in your hands, I know they can change the world.

Last but not least, I love you. And you're stuck with me.

Love,

Your forever number one fan

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