That Boy Won’t Cure Your Loneliness Or Fix All Your Problems— So Please Stop Expecting Him To

That Boy Won’t Cure Your Loneliness Or Fix All Your Problems— So Please Stop Expecting Him To

You need to find yourself first and really fall in love with that self before you can find your person and fall in love with him.

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The biggest misconception I had about love is that it would fix all the problems in my life. I inevitably thought love would give me a lifelong soulmate so I wouldn't feel so goddamn lonely all the time.

That happily ever after. A forever ride or die.

Once we fall in love with someone, we experience that euphoric feeling of passion and admiration. It's a great feeling, isn't it? That there's that boy who's all about you, just as you, are heads-over-heels about him. The world seems to be spinning in the right direction, and you suddenly believe that perhaps this boy was your lucky charm, a special omen brought exclusively from the heavens.

This boy knows all your tiny little secrets, calls you beautiful and stares at you lovingly when you walk alongside each other, hand in hand. With him, you feel as if you aren't lonely anymore. That you won't be that sad pathetic girl alone at a New Year's Eve Party anymore. That you'll have this boy to lean onto no matter what.

He says he's all yours, anyway. He puts your number in as "Babygirl" on his phone. He never misses the chance to text you good morning and be the last one to end a conversation before you drift off to sleep.

Let me get real with you, ladies. But this boy probably won't cure your sad loneliness or fix all the problems in your life. He won't become your soulmate, but instead, he's going to be a distraction. He's going to be a lesson, whether he breaks your heart or not.

Because once you start fully depending on this boy for emotional and moral support, he's going to start becoming distant. He's most likely not going to be there for you when shit happens, for one reason or another. He's not going to know what to say when you start crying other than a simple "It's going to be okay". Don't necessarily blame him for that. I guarantee that you're going to start blaming yourself about his behavior. And the more you start blaming yourself for how he's changed, it's only going to distract you from actually realizing the true reasons behind your problems and acting on them.

I know this all sounds a bit startling.

Try flipping the tables and think of it this way:

You just met this amazing guy. He's good looking, educated, passionate and respectful, etc. You have so much fun around him, and you come to fall in love with all his imperfections. But as time drags on, he begins to rant about how miserable school/work is and how much he hates these littlest of things you find a bit ridiculous. Imagine how confused and overwhelmed you would feel if he begins piling that stress onto you, telling you "But dating you is going to make me feel better about _____ since you're going to be here with me through it, right?"

I don't know about you but after hearing that, I would be running away at full tilt.

Now I'm not saying you have to be happy and bubbly around a boy 24/7. I'm not promoting some type of relationship where everything is perfect—of course, you'll come to find differences, have arguments and lean on each other during tough times.

I guess what I'm saying is that you shouldn't have to depend on someone in order to find your way through life or to feel less lonely.

Why should you feel that only a man would have the capabilities to change your problems? We're strong independent women, after all.

In most situations, you will only have yourself to lean on since not everyone's going to be there for you.

A boy isn't willing to fix all the problems in your life by licking your wounds and bandaging them up. Sure, he might be around to express sympathy and hold you when all you want to do is cry. But he's mainly going to be a part of your life to support you. He'll support your decisions and support you for how well you handle yourself. He'll love you for your independence, not how dependent you are. He fell in love with that free spirit from the beginning.

And if he left your life, he may have done so because *news flash* men aren't good with all that emotional baggage. Simple as that. So erase all those crazy thoughts about him secretly cheating on you or being a dick for wanting to end things.

My mom once told me this about love: "You need to find yourself first and really fall in love with that self before you can find your person and fall in love with him."

So, my friends, if you haven't found a boy yet, don't lose hope—he's going to come along.

But you need to find yourself first.

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5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.
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Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

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What It Is Really Like Having Sisters Close To Your Age

While having siblings close to your age is pretty amazing, there can be a lot of issues that can come with it.

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I come from a family of 5 people and 1 dog. I have 2 sisters, Grace and Caroline. We are all pretty close in age, Caroline being the youngest and 3 years younger than me.

My sisters and I share a bond like no one else, no one can replicate it. When you have siblings close to your age you have built-in best friends, and since they are around your age you have the same interest, or at least, enough so that you can do things that other siblings cannot. Examples of this would be seeing R-Rated movies and going to the mall without too much complaining, along with being able to shop in the same stores or even share clothes. Grace and I sometimes even split the cost of a shirt we both like.

We even overlap friend groups! Which is not much of a problem for us, Grace and I are both in music programs which overlap enough for us to have the same friends, which is great for when one of us has a sleepover, the other can join in on the fun. Caroline, however, even though she is seen as the sporty one of the 3 of us, she still has a lot of friends who have similar interests as Grace or I, giving us a lot of the same friends. It's nice not to be considered the "cool older sister", I am just like the rest of them.

While we do fight a lot, we make up really quickly, because most issues we have are stupid sibling fights: who gets the T.V., what to have for dinner, what movie to see. But it is always fun because there are 3 of us, which means majority rules, something we tend to go by most of the time depending on the situation.

Having 3 teenagers in the house can be a handful for our parents though, when you have three teenage girls going through puberty at relatively the same time, it can be grueling, especially when you are all on your period at the same time.. (yes, that has happened before) (and yes, it sucks). While I am on the topic, let's say a prayer and a thank you to my dad for dealing with 5 girls (including the dog, obviously) because he does a pretty damn good job at dealing with all of us.

When we were younger, we always had a play date even when one was canceled. We all made up songs and dances and would perform them for our parents. We even had a band called The Halsey Sisters (AKA the female version of The Jonas Brothers) where we had a hit song called "We Got The Heart and Soul". It was a hell of a time. Let's just say the music video for that song is, interesting to say the least.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't switch my sisters for anything in the world, they are my rocks, and I wouldn't want it any other way, Grace, Caroline, keep doing what you're doing, because you're pretty damn awesome.

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